. where the raindrops, as they’re falling, tell a story ♪

[one-shot] Guilty Pleasure {1/3}

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 22:13:11 GMT

[one-shot] Guilty Pleasure {1/3}

Pairing: ryokame
rating: pg-15
Summary: It was probably very wrong to fall in love with the brother of the man whose death you felt responsible for. It was also probably wrong to sleep with him for months before you fell in love.

I wrote Ryokame!! ^___^ this was actually supposed to be for Ryo's birthday last week...but it ended up really long and I couldn't finish it until now so >< yeah >< enjoy~~

--- PART 1 ---

The liquid swished in his glass as he brought it to his lips again. The amber liquid offered an almost soothing presence, a saving grace to his shattered senses. The bitter alcohol gave him something to concentrate on, something to think about…something other than –

The feel of blood on his hands –

The screams around him –

The pulse fading slowly, so slowly…if he could only catch it before it fell –

The glass crashed to the floor, shattering shards of glittering pieces everywhere. He was aware of someone yelling, but all he could concentrate on were his hands. Hands stained with blood, his blood…

“Give him another around.” A voice cut through his thoughts when he felt someone slide into the seat next to him. The images of blood disappeared although he continued to stare at his hands, wondering how they could be so clean when obviously, he had blood on his hands and the whole world should know and –

“You know, that’s not going to drink itself.”

He stared at the man talking to him, seeing him for the first time. He was looking down at the glass, but every few moments, the man would glance over at him – or more precisely, the glass in front of him. He had a feeling that this stranger was only really seeing the glass of alcohol.

He stared at the glass in front of him. A second later, he had grabbed it and downed it, “Another.” He croaked out, and looked at the man’s half-empty glass. The man’s lips curled up into a sardonic smile.

It was like a sort of agreement had started between them.

A challenge.

“I’m trying to forget.” He stated bluntly, keeping his eyes on the man’s drink. It was keeping him from thinking of blood and hands and screams.

The man downed his drink, fixing him with a gaze that made him understand the hidden message in that movement, just like how he had understood the previous messages in their near-silent conversation.

Me too.

* * *

Ryo didn’t know exactly how, but hours later, he found fingers leaving fiery hot touches along his skin as he propped himself up with hands on either side of the stranger’s and his lips were furiously pressing against the man’s lips. A tug on his shirt was followed by more of that fiery hot sensation as skin made contact with skin and he pushed the man against the bed frame.

Ryo assumed that it was the feel of the cold metal poles digging into his back that made his man gasp, but he didn’t stop, trailing furious kisses down the man’s jaw line, and as he ran his hands down, sliding his hands under a half-unbuttoned shirt, the man tiled his head back, brown eyes glassy as Ryo’s hands continued to roam.

Up, up, up they went, pulling on soft material and buttons popped open, until finally Ryo was able to hastily pull the man’s shirt off.

They exchanged furious kisses again, and again, and Ryo knew that they were both completely drunk out of their minds, with all that alcohol they had consumed earlier, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t care; this was another way of forgetting, this was another way to never have to remember.

And like the alcohol, each touch of the skin was addicting, drawing him in for more, and more, and always for more. He couldn’t stop, even if he wanted to, but he definitely didn’t want to, so he kept going, edging fingers beneath the waistline of the man’s jeans.

It was a moment of sanity coming back to him, a moment when clear thought broke through the alcohol-induced haze of his mind, that he realized he shouldn’t be doing this. He didn’t even know his name, he didn’t know him.

And a moment later, those thoughts were crossed out by fiery lips trailing along his neck.

I don’t know him, I don’t know his name, he tried to remind himself.

He had never lost an argument with himself before now.

“Your name?” he breathed out, a compromise to his conscience, watching in near sadistic amusement as the man tried to answer while Ryo’s fingers were resting on his hips, right where the waistline of his boxers had dragged down to.

The man’s feverish breathing was cut off by Ryo’s lips crushing his and when he pulled away, with Ryo’s lips still resting ever so softly on his, the man softly moaned out a, “Kazuya”, in response to Ryo’s question.

Kazuya.

Kazuya was going to help him forget; Kazuya would keep Ryo company tonight; Kazuya would turn the tables and drive Ryo crazy with his hands going all over Ryo’s body, leaving a path of fire behind; Kazuya was the only thing on his mind now. Even if just for a little while, he could escape because of Kazuya, and his lips, and those fingers, and –

Kazuya would also be gone the next morning when Ryo woke up and remembered what had happened. And as the hangover disappeared, Ryo would remember that for one whole night, he had forgotten everything that pained him.

As he remembered Kazuya saying to him, moments before they had wandered the streets together, drunk, before ending up at Ryo’s apartment, he was going to try so hard to forget that he would end up hurting himself.

* * *

A sleepy groan escaped his lips as he sat up, sheets falling from his shoulders and he blinked, looking around. As expected, the space next to him on the bed was vacated, and the clothes that had most likely been scattered through the room in the night had been picked up. It was with a sigh that Ryo made his way into his bathroom, intent on taking a shower. The feel of scalding hot water on his skin made him sigh in a rare moment of contentment, followed by a cold feeling assaulting him once the water stopped running.

He stopped in front of his reflection in the mirror – his reflection, he realized. He wasn’t sure how, but he had changed in the past months. He shook his head, causing a few droplets of water to fly across the room, and he was soon back in his room, dressed and not knowing what the hell to do with himself.

As always.

His eyes flickered to the clock; seven more hours. Seven more hours until that bar opened and he could go get drunk, and probably see Kazuya there again, and then they would end up at his apartment, neither sober enough or willing to say no to what was most likely a downward spiral for both of them, and then tomorrow morning, by the time Ryo woke up, he would be gone.

It had been going on for three months, but Ryo didn’t mind. Not really.

It was an escape, being with Kazuya; they had chanced into each other’s lives, but they both needed it more than anything. The ability to forget, no questions asked, no attempts to emotionally involve themselves, no…

No need to feel anything more than what it was.

He stepped out of his apartment, wondering what he could waste time doing today. He hadn’t been back to work in a while, living off his savings. He couldn’t go back to work, not after –

“Ryo.”

A voice broke through his thoughts and he looked up to see a concerned look on a familiar face.

“Hiroki.”

He stuffed his hands into his pockets, looking up at Uchi.

The younger man was unable to help the flinch that crossed his face whenever he looked at Ryo. Ever since the…incident, his best friend had changed. He had changed so much that Uchi wasn’t sure if this was really his best friend standing in front of him anymore. The older man’s eyes were dark, empty, half-dead; the guilt that Ryo went through had destroyed him. There were no more innocently bright smiles, no more jokes, no more teasing at the expense of everyone else. His eyes were so devoid of anything that Uchi wanted to cry at times and beg for his best friend back.

“I…” Uchi swallowed, “I’m glad you found someone…” he started.

Ryo stared, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Your…that guy that you brought back with you.” Uchi clarified; he had gone down the hall to Ryo’s apartment, intent on checking up on his best friend, and to his surprise, had found his best friend and a strange man locked in a desperate kiss, hands roaming everywhere as Ryo’s fingers drunkenly attempted to open the door to the apartment.

“I’m glad you’re…with someone, you…I’ve been worried about you.” Uchi bit his lip.

“It’s not what you think.” Ryo snapped, “It’s not a relationship. It’s just…” he shrugged, “Sex.”

Uchi was silent, staring at Ryo.

“I…see.” Uchi said quietly, “Ryo, are you –”

“This doesn’t concern you, Hiroki!” Ryo snapped.

A hurt look crossed Uchi’s face, “I’m just worried; this is so unlike you –”

“Yeah, well, the me that you knew didn’t have an innocent man’s blood on his hands did he?!” Ryo replied angrily, pain clearly showing in his eyes, “This helps me, Hiroki. I don’t have to think anymore when I do this; don’t try to preach and take it away from me. Kazuya’s the only one who seems to understand this – that I don’t want to think about anything anymore; I just want to forget with no strings attached. This is my escape, short of drinking myself to death.”

Uchi’s breath had hitched at Ryo’s casual talk of death, “Ryo…”

“No.” Ryo said firmly, leaving no room for argument, “It’s not real, but at least it’s something that helps keep me sane!”

Uchi didn’t have anything to say to that.

“You can’t keep punishing yourself, Ryo.” He said softly, “This guilt…it was a mistake; it wasn’t your fault.”

“I can try.” Ryo retorted, completely ignoring the second part of Uchi’s plea to him.

* * *

After their first meeting, Ryo had found himself at that bar again. And he was there. In a soft shifting of material, he had sat next to him at the bar, and was ordering a drink, downing it the moment he got it. He barely gave Ryo a second glance, although Ryo knew that he knew that Ryo was there. He had sat next to him after all.

“About the other night –” Ryo started, eyes cast down at what remained of his drink, “I’m –”

He was going to apologize, for using someone to satisfy himself and take away the pain. But he couldn’t quite mean it; he didn’t regret those hours he was allowed to forget, those hours where he was so consumed by the presence of the man that he didn’t have to think about anything else but satisfying his desires.

“Don’t.” Kazuya cut through harshly, setting the glass loudly on the counter, “Another one.” He told the bartender, who eyed him cautiously as though remembering him from the other night but decided to indulge him.

Ryo merely looked at him, “I’m trying to –”

“Because if you really regretted it, you wouldn’t have come back here.” Kazuya responded, looking up at Ryo for the first time that night.

Memories of those same eyes looking at him, half-lidded, came to him.

Kazuya’s lips turned up into a sarcastic smirk, “See.” He leaned closer, “You don’t regret it.” He breathed, warm breath hitting Ryo’s lips.

Ryo downed another drink, “Double, this time.” He told the bartender, intent on getting drunk as quickly as possible, correctly interpreting the message coming from Kazuya.

Neither of them cared much that they didn’t really know each other, or that they were doing this for their own selfish reasons and not because they truly felt something for the other.

It wasn’t long before the alcohol took effect and Ryo, with what senses he still had in tact, led the way out of the bar, and once into the taxi, hands started to roam, but not enough for them to get kicked out of the taxi, and below the view of the rearview mirror.

Soft moans were muffled by teeth clenched together, determined to not be the first one to alert the driver to what was going on in his backseat.

“Here you go.” The driver announced.

“Keep the change.” Kazuya bit out as he and Ryo made their way into his apartment. It was in the empty hallway that they finally stopped holding back and their lips met in furious kisses.

Ryo stopped for a few seconds after getting into the bedroom, “My name’s –” he started, figuring he would feel less like he was using Kazuya if they at least knew each other’s name. He had found out Kazuya's, but the other had yet to ask for his.

“I don’t want your name.” Kazuya said aloud, breaking him off, “I don’t need or want it. This isn’t anything personal. You do know that right?”

Ryo didn’t answer, but he did flip Kazuya onto his back on the white sheets and no more words were exchanged.

* * *

Ryo got the first glimpse into Kazuya’s life beyond the bar one night four months after they met as they were fumbling around in the dark. Ryo had nearly jumped when, as his hips were pressing against Kazuya’s against a wall, there was a sudden movement in Kazuya’s pocket. Kazuya, who had had his head tilted back, opened his eyes reluctantly. Digging around in his pocket, despite Ryo deciding to ignore the sudden interruption and delivering kisses along his neck, he pulled out the cell phone and looked at the glowing screen.

“Voice…mail…” he managed to say coherently, in those short nanoseconds in which Ryo lifted his lips from his skin.

Ryo’s answer to that was crushing Kazuya’s lips.

Kazuya got the hint, and promptly decided that any message anyone had for him could wait until the next morning. As they backed toward the bed, their bodies falling on the mattress, the cell phone fell from Kazuya’s hand onto the wooden floor.

The impact somehow made the voice mail play. Neither knew how it did, but neither particularly cared.

“Kazu-chan!”

Kazuya froze for a few seconds, hearing a familiar voice.

Ryo ran his hands down Kazuya’s arms, reaching for the bottom of the man’s shirt, tugging it up.

“Where are you? You’re never home anymore and you don’t answer our calls at night anymore! If this is about Yuya, Kazuya…you can’t keep – cutting yourself off from everyone isn’t going to bring him back! Please, Kazu-chan, answer your phone. I know you’re there and – “

Kazuya looked in confusion at Ryo. The older man had reached over the side of the bed and pressed the end button to cancel out the rest of the voice mail.

“You came here to forget didn’t you?” Ryo asked huskily as he ran his hands under Kazuya’s shirt, along his bare stomach.

Sheets wrinkled and scrunched up around their bodies as Ryo slinked upwards, until he was able to loom over Kazuya and capture the younger man’s lips with his own.

He and Kazuya were very alike, he knew. Both of them wanted to forget things that people around them only wanted to remind them of. Those people meant well – they wanted them to get over the pain. But scars of the heart were much harder to heal than physical ones.

That was why he and Kazuya were like this – they didn’t try to fix the other, and they understood each other.

“You’re right,” Kazuya said when their lips parted and he wrapped his arms around Ryo’s neck, pulling him closer down toward him. Maybe it was the moment just now when they realized that the other understood when no one else seemed to, but for the first time, with their face mere centimeters apart, Kazuya gave him a smile that wasn’t sarcastic or merely for the sake of smiling. With their lips seconds away from connecting again, Ryo saw close-up and first hand a real smile on Kazuya.

* * *

“I’m younger than you.”

It was their fourth meeting and Ryo started at the words and he looked at Kazuya in confusion. The apparently younger man was taking a sip of his drink, and his eyes were raised over the glass to look at Ryo.

“You’ll stop thinking you’re using me or something and won’t try to apologize like that other time if you actually know me a little right?” Kazuya asked, and Ryo was shocked at how easily Kazuya could read him, “Well, there’s the fun fact of the day. I’m younger than you.”

“How –”

“There’s a yearbook in your bookshelf in that room by your bathroom.” Kazuya said with a smirk at Ryo’s flabbergasted expression, “It stood out from all the other books. There’s a year inscribed on it, and unless you’ve stolen someone else’s yearbook…”

“You – you –”

“Yes?” Kazuya asked, raising an eyebrow.

He couldn’t help but stare and make incoherent noises. That was another advantage Kazuya had over him. The younger man knew more about him than he did about Kazuya – it wasn’t quite fair.

But, as Ryo thought about it, it wasn’t like he minded that much. He didn’t need the details of every moment of Kazuya’s life; his reluctance to sleep with a near-stranger was already fading each time he saw Kazuya. It was like every time he saw the younger man, what he found out through hands exploring the lean body, he found out more than he could with words and conversation.

“Well, now that you know.” Kazuya raised his glass to his lips again, “There’s no problem with us getting as drunk as we can now, is there?”

Ryo, looking down at his empty glass, merely grabbed Kazuya’s from his hand, “There never was.” He replied as he downed the drink.

A pleased smirk crossed Kazuya’s face.

* * *

Sunlight streamed into the room and Ryo put a hand over his eyes to block the glare of the sun. It didn’t help though, and he winced at a throbbing that assaulted his head. Great, a hangover.

Probably because of the stupid, damn, sun, he grumbled to himself as he sat up, and then he froze mid-complaint and simply stared.

Kazuya, who was in the middle of slipping his shirt back on, looked up, and raised an eyebrow at Ryo, “Do you always talk to yourself in the morning?” he asked sardonically, pausing in his dressing.

Ryo couldn’t help but wonder why Kazuya was in his apartment, when it was light out. Usually by now, the younger man was gone and Ryo wouldn’t see him again until the next time they met. It had been five and a half months since they met, and this was the first time he ever saw Kazuya during the day. It was perhaps this break from routine that made him speechless at the sight of Kazuya there when he woke up.

“Why’re you here?” he finally managed to blurt out.

“Don’t worry, I’m leaving.” Kazuya rolled his eyes at Ryo.

Ryo spotted his boxers on the floor and quickly pulled them on so that he wasn’t looking like a dumbstruck idiot sitting in bed and staring at Kazuya. He crossed his arms, “You’re usually gone by now.” He stated.

Kazuya returned the gesture, crossing his own arms, and letting his shirt fall back onto the floor, “Are you suddenly being shy with your body around me?” he smirked.

“I didn’t think it was polite to walk around naked with company.” Ryo retorted defensively, “And you haven’t answered my question. You’re usually gone by now.”

“I slept in.” Kazuya told him with a roll of his eyes, “And by the way, I’m not considered normal company here anymore. I see you naked too much.”

“You don’t exactly complain.” Ryo answered, taking a few steps closer.

In this light provided by the sun, he could see features of Kazuya’s that he missed during the darkness of the night and the dim lighting of the bar.

There was a jagged scar going across Kazuya’s left shoulder for one. He couldn’t help himself; his fingers found their way across the jagged upraised scar and he smirked at the shiver that ran through the younger man.

“No, you don’t complain at all.” He said with a smug tone.

“It is way too early for this.” Kazuya remarked, but he didn’t stop Ryo’s hands. In fact, both of them were standing there, half-naked and their bodies growing closer with each second that passed by. The two of them were staring challengingly at each other.

“We’re not drunk.” Kazuya commented idly, but his eyes kept following Ryo’s hands on his body. Even though he was pointing out many reasons why they shouldn’t do this so early – and without being intoxicated beforehand – his eyes and body told otherwise.

“Well, let’s see if it’s the drink that makes me forget, or if it’s you.” Ryo asked with an almost teasing smirk – which Kazuya would best describe as evil – and before Kazuya could add another reason, he had smothered the younger man’s lips with his. Kazuya wasn’t exactly caught by surprise by that, but it did take a few seconds for him to return the kiss. His reasons and complaints firmly out the window, Kazuya turned their bodies so that he could press forward and push Ryo down onto the bed.

As Kazuya straddled his hips, Ryo’s hands wandered back to the scar, “Where’d you get this?” he asked, seeing it clearly now that it wasn’t dark with only street lights outside for lighting.

“None of your business.” Kazuya retorted, before closing the distance between their lips again.

“I want to know.” Ryo insisted.

“I thought we agreed that we don’t need to know anything about each other.” Kazuya retorted, his lips mere inches from Ryo’s.

“Call me curious.”

“Curiosity killed the cat.” Kazuya reminded him, a smirk on his face.

Ryo matched the smirk, “But satisfaction brought him back.” His hands reached to undo Kazuya’s belt.

There was nothing said from either of them for a few moments, which was broken by a soft moan from Kazuya as Ryo gracefully drew his fingers across sensitive skin.

“High school.” Kazuya finally replied, “Got it in high school. Some bad luck.”

Ryo reacted to this with a predatory grin and with amazing strength, he had flipped their positions around again.

Something feels different, he couldn’t help but think as sunlight rained across their skin, giving them a warmth that they had always been deprived of at night. Perhaps it was the fact that this was during the day and everything seemed less…dark, less able to be secretive and intense.

Something is very different…Ryo couldn’t help but think. He just didn’t know what, or if it had to do with the bright and undimmed view of the face of the lips he was kissing. And the scar he had been so curious about, his hands kept wandering to it, fondling the area where the raised skin was, like a precious item that only he was allowed to see and touch. Like this, the scar, seeing Kazuya in actual light like this, was a secret that out of the entire world, only he knew, and it put a strange sense of fear in him, that he was thinking that he needed to treasure this secret.

As he kissed Kazuya furiously once more, Ryo was unable to keep one lone thought from crossing his mind.

It’s you after all, he thought in reply to his own question earlier on.

And he suddenly felt very scared, but he couldn’t bear to stop or let go.

Either way, he would fall.

* * *

Ryo didn’t like thinking about the past, or more precisely, the incident. At night, he would oftentimes twist awake with gasping breaths and guilt-ridden dreams. He hated those dreams and he hated the guilt that came crashing onto him once he was awake; and he hated…that with those dreams, Kazuya could see a vulnerable side of him.

It was a month after he had met Kazuya and Ryo had woken up in cold sweat, and in a daze, was staring at his hands like he used to right after the incident, mumbling loudly under his breath.

Kazuya lay there, staring at him with unreadable eyes.

“My fault, my fault…the blood, he’s dead…” Ryo sometimes woke up, unaware that he had woken up, still trapped in his dream.

He was barely aware right now; he knew that Kazuya was next to him, a warm body of comfort, but he could also still see blood on his hands, terribly red and shocking blood.

Kazuya suddenly swung his legs over the edge of the bed and walked out of the room. Ryo watched him with eyes out of focus. Of course; of course the younger man would leave now that he knew what Ryo had done. Ryo was too trapped in the reliving of his nightmare to realize that there wasn’t anything for Kazuya to really leave, at least not when they were so detached from each other.

“Here.” Kazuya’s voice broke through Ryo’s thoughts and he looked into serious-looking brown eyes. Bloodshot brown eyes.

He grabbed the flask, and guessed from the relaxing look in Kazuya’s eyes that Kazuya had just taken a sip from it before giving it to him. The bitter smell reached his nose and he downed the alcohol in the flask with one gulp; then, he ended up in a coughing fit for trying to swallow too quickly.

“Thanks.” Ryo croaked out.

“Your dreams are disturbing.” Kazuya informed him, playing around with the empty flask.

“Yeah, well, you’ll get used to them.” Ryo remarked.

Kazuya raised an eyebrow, “What makes you think I’ll be around to get used to them?”

“It’s been a while already hasn’t it? Besides, even if it’s nothing personal between us…you’re the only one I know who’d give me a drink to numb my feelings rather than try to comfort me and make me accept the truth or something. You’re like a stuffed animal that shouldn’t be kept because you’re dangerous to my health, but that’s part of the reason I keep you.”

Kazuya scoffed at the example, “You need to work on your analogies. That wasn’t very convincing at all.”

“Well, it’s not like you need it”, Ryo said frankly, “You’re using me and I’m using you; it’s not exactly something we need to convince each other to do.”

Kazuya didn’t say anything to that, but kept looking at the alcohol flask, “Damn, it’s all gone. You drank it all.” He muttered in complaint, “I wanted some.”

“You had some.”

“Not enough.” Kazuya retorted, and Ryo furrowed his eyebrows in thought as he realized that either the younger man needed alcohol more than Ryo thought he did, or he himself had woken up from bad dreams before Ryo had – which explained why Kazuya had been awake to see him wake up.

In the dim light of the light of the living room that streamed in, Ryo shuddered where he sat, and then without warning, had pulled the younger man to him, thin sheets being the only thing separating their bodies, in a furious, desperate kiss. He could taste the lingering taste of alcohol in the younger man’s breath.

“I can taste the alcohol you drank, and you still say it’s not enough?” Ryo asked between gasping kisses.

“It’s not enough to forget reliving my brother’s funeral.” Kazuya answered thoughtlessly, too distracted by the heated kisses they were exchanging to realize how much he had just revealed.

Ryo sucked in a breath, “Damn.”

“That’s my line. Damn, damn, damn.” Kazuya responded, apparently completely oblivious to his sympathetic tone, “Damn the bastard who killed him.”

Then, before Ryo could pursue the topic any further, he muffled the words on Ryo’s lips with his mouth.

* * *

A dreaded feeling had settled into Ryo for the past month. Ever since that morning, he had had a feeling that something was happening that he didn’t like, but he couldn’t do anything about it. He hated the feeling; he was starting to hate many things and it scared him. He didn’t want anything to change right now! But…maybe he did, just a little…

“You…couldn’t wait?” Kazuya mumbled with his lips against Ryo’s, taking a pause of air. He was pressed by Ryo’s hands on his shoulders onto the sofa, barely being able to stay on.

“Horrible day.” Ryo muttered as he threaded his hands through Kazuya’s hair, lowering his lips to the younger man’s neck. Kazuya arched just a little, and Ryo smirked against Kazuya’s skin.

“Horrible month.” Kazuya shot back, somehow still being coherent despite Ryo’s hands moving lower on his hips.

Ryo didn’t say anything, but gave a shrug to acknowledge that Kazuya was probably right. This feeling, this dreaded feeling he had been feeling, was making him feel desperate whenever it came to Kazuya. He was impatient, he was irritated, and for the first time since they had been doing this, almost seven months now, he had an urge to shake things up and change things between them.

He hated that urge, because he knew he couldn’t.

And that feeling continued, nagging at him so that by the time he saw Kazuya, he was feeling half-crazed, and was desperate to forget that feeling – forget any sort of feelings actually. He was happy being numb, and Kazuya could give that to him.

“Hey.”

Kazuya’s voice cut through his thoughts, as the younger man trapped between his knees spoke. Ryo looked up, hand wandering beneath the shirt onto an all-too-familiar muscled stomach beneath. His fingers curiously traced patterns on the skin, earning a smirk from Ryo when Kazuya tilted his head back.

“Hey.”

Ryo realized that Kazuya wasn’t trying to say something and that Ryo kept cutting off, but it was how the younger man was calling him. Kazuya still hadn’t tried to find out Ryo’s name, and for some reason, despite his insistence months earlier that he was fine with it, he suddenly wasn’t. It irritated him, being called ‘hey’ like some stranger in the street and –

“Ryo.” He growled out, hands moving to lock Kazuya’s arms in place. He stared into Kazuya’s eyes, which had a surprised look in them.

“I told you –”

“My name is Ryo.” He felt oddly satisfied in saying that, and very satisfied at seeing the flicker of emotion cross Kazuya’s face. The younger man wriggled in Ryo’s grasp but Ryo refused to let him go. Not until –

What am I doing? Ryo suddenly cut his own thoughts off. He was acting like – like he wanted to be emotionally attached, needing to tell the younger man his name, needing to…add more familiarity between them. Needing…

Needing to feel like I can be special…Ryo thought with a horrible realization that he quickly pushed away. That wasn’t it! It definitely wasn’t it. He was just…irritated, being called ‘hey’ like some rude teenager off the street.

“Ryo.” Kazuya finally said slowly, an emotionless mask covering his face. Ryo stared at him, shocked that he had even said it, and he released Kazuya’s arms.

“What happened to not getting emotionally involved?” Kazuya snapped.

Ryo blinked at him, “I’m not – that wasn’t –”

Kazuya stared at him for a long time.

“Whatever.” He finally said and tugged on the neckline of Ryo’s shirt, pulling the older man down so that their lips crashed onto each other’s. But somehow, a whispering echo of Kazuya’s accusation remained in his mind. It whispered, it hissed, it breathed and took a place in the back of his mind, digging its roots in, and refused to let go.

* * *

--- part 2 ---

[one-shot] Guilty Pleasure {2/3}

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 22:10:04 GMT

[One-shot] Guilty Pleasure {2/3}

Pairing: ryokame
rating: pg-15
Summary: It was probably very wrong to fall in love with the brother of the man whose death you felt responsible for. It was also probably wrong to sleep with him for months before you fell in love.

Part 1 |

--- PART 2 ----

Ryo once saw Kazuya outside of their meetings. It had been a few months after they had started meeting; the younger man had been with two friends; a man wearing a lot of shiny accessories, and a very tall man who kept smiling like everything was good and happy in the world. The first man had his arm around Kazuya’s shoulder, looking as though he was trying to bring Kazuya down to the ground and the taller man was saying something, only to end up with the other two sending him incredulous looks.

Before he had known what he was doing, he had been inching closer, just curious to see what Kazuya acted like with other people.

“That was terrible, Junno!” he heard the younger man accuse, but there was a ghost of a laugh on his lips.

“It made you smile, right?” the tall man answered, and at Kazuya’s surprised look, the man called Junno just grinned and acted like his joke hadn’t just been insulted.

Kazuya looked up then, and as Ryo shifted, he caught sight of him, and his eyes widened. He quickly covered that expression though, and the look he sent at Ryo was one of warning.

“What’s the matter?” one of his friends asked.

“Nothing.” Kazuya said, eyes still locked on Ryo’s. The two of them stared at each other for a long time, and as his two friends began to argue over Kazuya’s head about something, Kazuya’s gaze continued to be locked with Ryo’s.

“Are you sure nothing’s wrong?” the man called Junno asked worriedly. He cast a wary glance around before beginning to pull Kazuya away, “Tat-chan’s worried about you, you know. You’re always pretending that you’re okay, when we know –”

“Don’t finish that sentence.” Kazuya’s voice was a bit harsh. His gaze found Ryo’s again, almost as if challenging him to say or do something right now.

Ryo didn’t though and he got a brief smirk in return.

“What are you looking at?” the shorter one of his friends asked, looking around warily.

“Nothing,” Kazuya responded, looking at Ryo for one more second before turning and dragging his friends out, “Nothing at all.”

And Ryo felt an odd sense of irritation at being called nothing and being brushed off so easily.

He pushed the feeling away, however, in favor of feeling triumphant that he had finally learned something about Kazuya that the younger man hadn’t wanted him to know – like the many things Kazuya knew about Ryo from being in Ryo’s apartment all the time.

For once, he was seeing into Kazuya’s life, even if he could still feel that strange irritation at being brushed off so easily as ‘nothing’ to Kazuya.

* * *

Ryo was driving himself into an unrecognizable state.

Everything had been driving him crazy lately; Kazuya’s words still haunting him and nagging at him with each passing day, the fact that no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t seem to get rid of them with his own inner argument against them, the fact that he couldn’t even contact Kazuya because of that damn don’t get emotionally involved stance that he and Kazuya had been insistent on, which meant no way of contacting him.

And the fact that Ryo wanted to see him was driving him crazy as well.

And Kazuya had never shown up ever since that night.

Ryo’s hands gripped his drink; he wasn’t even sure how many he had had before this one. He had lost count after the first half hour. This was the eighth night in a row he had come to the bar, the irritated feeling making him go more often than he would have. Kazuya was nowhere to be found, however. The first few nights Ryo had dismissed it with an annoyed feeling, as they didn’t usually try to find each other every night; however, by the fourth night, he knew what it was.

Kazuya wasn’t coming anymore.

A cold feeling gripped him, as he downed more of his drink.

What was this feeling?

Why was he feeling so…abandoned? It wasn’t as though Kazuya had an obligation or had to come; it wasn’t as though he and Kazuya made plans of when they showed up. They just usually showed up when they felt like it, and the other was just always there.

Why does it hurt?

Ryo emptied his glass again, and ordered another one. He knew he was drinking himself into a drunken state, but he had no idea what to do. He didn’t what to do anymore.

It hurts, just a little…a voice in the back of his head reminded him, If only you’d kept your mouth shut that night.

Ryo tried to ignore that voice, like he had tried to ignore Kazuya’s words in his head, but he couldn’t. Mixed together, he knew. Kazuya wasn’t coming, because Ryo had said too much; he wasn’t coming back ever.

It was nearing the end of the night, and Ryo tried to order another drink. He was turned down though, by the bartender’s insistence that he had already given Ryo too many.

“Go call someone to pick you up.” The man said shortly, “I’m not taking responsibility for your actions out there unsupervised.”

“I don’t know Kazuya’s number!” Ryo protested with a slur in his voice. He fumbled with his cell phone, “Don’t know…”

No matter what he tried, he couldn’t see Kazuya’s number in the address book on his cell phone. He doubled over, trying to ignore the sudden pain going through his heart, “I don’t know it…” he whispered, alcohol and despair fueling his actions. He threw the cell phone down the counter, burying his head in his hands, “Kazuya.”

He didn’t notice the bartender give him an exasperated, annoyed look before picking up the cell phone and calling someone with it.

He didn’t notice that everyone else had already left, save the bartender who was closing up the place. He didn’t notice anything until he felt an arm around his shoulders.

“Kazuya?” he looked up, and he cursed himself for sounding so hopeful. This wasn’t happening, this couldn’t be happening; he couldn’t be –

“No.” Uchi answered quietly, a sad look in his eyes as he looked at Ryo, “C’mon Ryo-chan…let’s get you home.”

“Hiroki…” Ryo managed to mumble as he let the younger man help him up.

“Thanks for calling me.” Uchi said to the bartender as he took Ryo’s cell phone back from him. He had gotten a random call in the middle of the night telling him that some guy was drunk and nearly passed out in a bar, and that Uchi was the first number in the recent calls list.

“Watch your step.” Uchi warned as he tried to help Ryo into his car, glad that he had taken it out instead of running or taking public transport here.

“Hiroki…”

Uchi stopped from where he was about to drive off.

Ryo was tugging on his arm, trying to stop him, “We can’t leave!...Kazuya still hasn’t come. I…”

Uchi watched sadly as Ryo struggled to find the words.

“I ruined it, Hiroki.” He slurred, “Ruined everything. I…I told you, right? It wasn’t anything personal between us…but then…I’m stupid and I…fell for him. He hasn’t come these days, because I’m stupid and…why did I do that?” he asked desperately, gripping Uchi’s arm, “I ruined it all…I fell for him, and it’s not fair, because I’m the only one falling, and I only wanted him to know my name. But he hates me for it. I know he does. That’s why he hasn’t come, because…because I fell for him and I ruined everything. I…I can’t even see him anymore.”

He took a shaking breath as Uchi bit his lip and tried to comfort Ryo; he didn’t quite know how though. There was nothing he could possibly say to make the older man feel better.

“Why…why do I ruin everything around me?!”

Why am I the only one falling?

* * *

It was a few days after he had seen Kazuya with his friends.

“You know, you’re setting yourself up to fall.”

The blunt comment made him look up, startled. He offered his drink to the man, who took it and sat down next to him at the end of the bar.

“What do you mean by that?” he asked a bit indignantly.

“You know my name,” Kazuya put down a finger as he listed off reasons, “You know I’m younger than you, you’ve seen me with my friends and for some reason, you couldn’t just walk away and pretend we didn’t know each other, you’re just setting yourself up to get too close.”

“And you’ve been in my apartment and everything! Aren’t you in more danger of doing that?” Ryo retorted indignantly.

“I don’t know your name.”

“It’s –”

“And I don’t want to know.” Kazuya cut in, “It distances me from any feelings regarding you. If I got attached to you and wanted to call out to you, calling out ‘random stranger I sleep with’ is definitely not as emotional-like as if I knew your name. Names can be powerful things.” He added.

Ryo rolled his eyes, “Not knowing a name won’t keep you from feeling emotions toward something, no matter how hard you try.”

“Oh no?” Kazuya asked, “Names give familiarity. Who are you more likely to want to save: me, not knowing my full name, or your best friend?”

Ryo opened his mouth to answer but then he stopped.

“See?” Kazuya laughed lightly, bitterly, “Don’t get too close, or you’ll try to save the wrong person.”

“You, you mean?” Ryo asked snippily, “You make it sound like getting close to you is the same as getting close to the sun.”

“With who I really am,” Kazuya’s lip curled, “It may as well be. Nevertheless, the moment you get too close, I’ll make sure all this stops. Don’t make me do that.”

“Fine.” Ryo agreed grudgingly.

* * *

Weeks passed and Ryo found himself lying on his stomach on his couch, a deadened look in his eyes as he stared at nothing in particular. The hangover from the night before was just beginning to go away, and yet, he knew that an hour or two later, he would manage to get his hands on some more alcohol somehow – either by going out, or finding more around his apartment.

He couldn’t bring himself to do anything else; all his thoughts remained on Kazuya, who he had not seen in weeks, and no matter what Uchi tried to tell him, he had become even worse than he had been before he had met Kazuya.

All he could do was drink the feelings away, and maybe one day, he could be like Kazuya and leave what he had with him behind and finally take his heart back.

The door opening made him look up, almost hopefully, but his shoulders sagged.

“You could look happier to see me.” Uchi said quietly, but knowing that unless he suddenly looked and dressed like Kazuya, there was no way Ryo would be happy to see him – or anyone else actually.

“I’m happy to see you.” Ryo intoned dully.

“I brought something for your hangover.”

“What’s the point? I’ll get another one soon enough.” Ryo snapped.

“You got some mail as well.” Uchi continued as though he hadn’t heard Ryo.

“Hand it over.” Ryo remarked, sitting up, “May as well look through them before I get wasted and burn them.” He retorted.

“I hope you’re not burning your bills.” Uchi retorted, “Or you’ll find yourself living on the streets – or bumming off other people.” He added, not saying that he was the most likely to be housing Ryo if the older man ever ended up on the streets. If it wasn’t because he was concerned and would never let his best friend sleep on the streets, it was because both his mother and Ryo’s mother would kill him if he let that happen.

Ryo flipped through his mail, not really looking through any of them, until he came to one that he didn’t recognize. It was not the usual letter from home, or a bill. It had no return address and the writing for his address looked –

He immediately ripped it open, mind going back to a time when Kazuya had paid for drinks with a credit card and had had to sign –

On a blindingly white sheet of paper, I may as well be the sun; I told you not to get too close. Now that it’s too late for that, you have a right to know why this won’t work anymore.

And attached to the back, with a paper clip, was…

A newspaper clipping, or more like, many newspaper clippings, and Ryo froze when he saw the pictures and the headlines.

Everything was…

A picture of Kazuya in a suit, looking down at the ground, and the caption underneath read, Kamenashi Kazuya, older brother and remaining family member, puts Kamenashi Yuya to rest.

And the headlines and the articles….

Kamenashi Yuya, baseball star, shot to death.

…former bodyguard unavailable for comment.

How did this happen?

Security failed to protect baseball star, Kamenashi Yuya.

And two words written in small writing in the corner of Kazuya’s note, Goodbye.

Ryo dropped everything onto the floor, staring at his hands.

“Hiroki…” he croaked out, “He hates me. He definitely hates me. I killed his brother.”

* * *

“Area secure.” He heard the words spoken into his earpiece and Ryo quickly nodded at the man next to him, patting the front of his suit.

“Let’s go.” He said brusquely, “The area should be secure now.”

The man nodded, walking next to Ryo. The older man glanced at the baseball player, before speaking, “We’re heading out.” He said.

Kamenashi Yuya stiffened, apparently all too aware of the threat on his safety. Once outside, they had only walked a few steps before the patrolling officers had to stop the crowd of reporters from rushing forward. The area was as secure as they could make a public place like the street – meaning by physically blocking people.

“I can’t believe I agreed to a press conference about this.” Kamenashi muttered.

Ryo raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything.

“I mean, I know I wanted to reassure everyone that everything’s fine but –” he was cut off when a camera flash went off.

“Don’t worry about anything.” Ryo said with the confidence of someone who was good at his job, “Things are different from before; I’d like to see that guy try to get a hit on you with me and all this security standing between you and him.”

Kamenashi grinned, and Ryo watched the famous sports star address the reporters. Ryo stood there alert and unaware that he would soon regret saying those words aloud for just anyone to hear.

“You idiot!”

Ryo winced as his boss threw down a newspaper in front of him.

The man raged at him, “Kamenashi’s bodyguard challenges deranged stalker to ‘ try and get a hit’!; Bodyguard confident in protecting Kamenashi Yuya! No need to fear for Kamenashi’s life!”

Ryo winced again.

“Great job, Nishikido, giving him more of an excuse to attack Kamenashi!”

“I didn’t mean it like that!” Ryo snapped defensively.

“Well, you’d better be on alert even more, because with that stupid stunt, your job has just gotten harder! You know better than to insult the pride and control of someone as deranged as this guy!”

Ryo stiffened, “With all due respect, sir, I am confident that I can take this guy, whoever he is.” He bit out, “I meant what I said, that it’ll be difficult just getting past me.”

His boss sneered at him, “Just make sure you remember those words if Kamenashi is attacked on your watch. It’ll be your fault because you provoked that asshole!”

Ryo glared, “I’m confident in my abilities.” He said as he stormed out.

There was something wrong, he could tell.

Ryo fingered the wire of his earpiece nervously, looking around. It was strangely quiet, and he had a bad feeling about this quietness.

“We need to get out of here.” He said quickly to Kamenashi, who nodded. The younger man was strangely trusting of Ryo, despite the fact that everyone had probably told him that Ryo had endangered his life more with the comment he had made that had somehow been leaked to the press. He was the only one in the past few weeks that hadn’t kept glaring at Ryo, which made Ryo all the more determined to get this guy before he could attack Kamenashi.

“We’ll go through the back exit.” He said absently as he began to lead Kamenashi toward said exit.

Their footsteps echoed in the silent hallways, and Ryo knew that if the guy was anywhere nearby, they were giving their location away, but the sense of urgency quickened.

They could see the door leading outside, and Ryo breathed a sigh of relief.

Just as something heavy made contact with the side of his head. He crashed to the ground a distance away.

A man came out of the shadows, a sneer on his face. Ryo got up, trying to block his view of Kamenashi, wiping away blood that was trickling down the side of his head.

“So, the famous infallible bodyguard.” The man retorted and there was a resonating click as he pulled a gun out of his pocket. The safety was off.

The man was heavyset, with beady little eyes, and a sneer twisting his face.

“Did you think it was funny?!” the man shrieked, pointing the gun at Ryo, “The public just brushed my threat aside because of you! They didn’t take me seriously after that! Every other threat I gave to the newspapers, they just dismissed them because you, the little hero, was going to bring me down.” His hands were shaking in anger, “I don’t like being made a joke of!”

Ryo raised an eyebrow, a plan forming in his head, “Then perhaps you shouldn’t act like one.”

The man’s eyes nearly popped out of his head, and he turned a red purplish color and his finger squeezed the trigger. Ryo had been expecting that – planned for it even – and pushed Kamenashi to the ground, as well as throwing himself out of the way. Then in the confusion, he ran forward, “Get out of here!” he called urgently to the baseball player.

He grabbed the attacker’s hands, trying to wrestle the gun out of his grasp. In their struggle, a shot suddenly went off and there was a splattering sound, followed by a thud.

Ryo froze, and the attacker smirked. Ryo refused to turn around, and promptly grabbed the gun and threw it far away. He kneed the man in the gut, and delivered a blow to his back with his elbow. And then, with a furious attack, had the man crashing against a nearby wall and there was a satisfying crack heard.

Ryo turned in dread and saw to his horror, the person he was supposed to be protecting, lying face down, a pool of blood already forming around him.

“Kamenashi!” he called, running over. He kneeled next to the man, blood soaking his knees and hands as he tried to turn the man over on his back.

Kamenashi had a far away look in his eyes, and pained gasps escaped him.

“Kamenashi! Hold on!” he urged, turning on the device that let him connect to the other members of security, “This is Nishikido. I need an ambulance. The attacker’s down, but Kamenashi’s injured.”

Ryo tried to find something, anything, to help keep Kamenashi alive until the ambulance could get there, but he was far from being a medic and he couldn’t do anything but try to stop the bleeding.

“My brother…will be so upset…” Kamenashi struggled to say, a weak laugh on his lips, “He told me…to be careful today…you know…”

“Don’t try to talk.” Ryo couldn’t help but snap a little in his panic, “You’ll make the bleeding worse.” He turned around, trying to see if help was coming yet.

In doing so, he saw the attacker staring at him with a vicious smirk. The man couldn't move, it seemed – Ryo had probably broken a few bones when he had sent him crashing into that well – but he could still speak.

“What?!” he snapped.

“It could have been you as much as it could have been me,” he taunted, “We were both fighting over the gun. Either of us could have been the one to press the trigger.”

“Shut up!”

“And I was only going to shoot him but not kill him. Injure him, that’s all. Scare him off.” The man snickered, “Until you made a fool of me. So…it’s more your fault than mine. Think about what it would’ve been like had you not come around. He’d be alive, injured but he’d survive the bullet.” He sneered at Ryo’s expression, “You killed him as much as I did.”

In a fit of anger, Ryo walked over and with a carefully aimed blow to the back of his head, had knocked the man unconscious so that he couldn't speak anymore. Ryo glared at the now unconscious man.

“He’s not dead!” Ryo snapped, trying to ignore those accusations. Hearing a pained attempt to breathe, he quickly went back to Kamenashi's side, “Kamenashi, hold on, and don’t try to say anything. Help will be coming soon!”

Kamenashi seemed to ignore him though, “I wish…I could’ve…seen him…one last time,” a deep, painful breath, “To say…thank you…for…always…taking care of me…”

Ryo swore; Kamenashi was giving up and quickly fading away.

“No. Don’t. Crap, hang in there!” he was pleading now.

But no matter how much he pleaded, Kamenashi Yuya’s life slipped away from him. His hands covered in Kamenashi’s blood, couldn’t do anything to save him, and a heavy guilt began to settle over him. He was responsible for the younger man’s death; he was the reason Kamenashi’s older brother would be informed of his brother’s death when he arrived on the scene. And although he never saw the man then, the heartbreaking cries of loss, from behind the screen shielding Kamenashi’s body from the gathering reporters, that followed was the only other thing that he would remember for hours. Those cries haunted his thoughts, plunging him deeper and deeper into guilt, failure and self-hatred.

* * *

Ryo had read Kazuya’s note approximately a thousand times since he had gotten it. The writing had been erratic and jerky, meaning that Kazuya had been upset when he had written it. The words, and the way they all seemed so disconnected had suggested that too.

But no matter how much he looked into the handwriting and Kazuya’s possible emotional state at the time, he couldn’t deny the truth staring at him.

He had been sleeping with the man whose brother he had killed.

No matter that it had been an accident, or that nobody had bothered to find out if he had been the one who pull down on the trigger and shoot the fatal bullet, Ryo knew it was his fault that Kamenashi Yuya had died. He had provoked the attacker with his overconfidence, and he had fought with the man over the gun instead of knocking it away and trying to fight hand to hand instead. And…he could remember how hard he had fought over the gun; how tight of a grip he had had on it – he was most likely the one who had put enough pressure on the trigger.

There was no proof otherwise.

The door opened and Ryo looked up. Uchi stood there, and the taller man gave a sigh of exasperation and quickly moved across the room and plucked the nearly empty bottle of alcohol from Ryo’s hand.

He glared at the nearly empty bottle, “It’s only eight in the morning.” He chided.

“I’ve been drinking since three am.” Ryo retorted, “I think I passed out around five though.”

Uchi’s shoulders sagged, “Why do you keep doing this to yourself?”

“Because I deserve it and he hates me.” Ryo hissed out.

“He doesn’t hate you.” Uchi tried to reassure the older man.

“Yes, he does, or did you miss the part where I killed his brother?!” Ryo exclaimed angrily.

“It was an accident, and do you think he only found out who you are now?” Uchi tried to reason.

“Yes.” Ryo retorted, “Or else, he would’ve ended all this before.”

“I thought you said it was because you fell for him.”

Ryo merely let out bitter laughter, “He was probably disgusted that he’d been sleeping with his brother’s murderer. Give me my drink back.” He reached out to grab the bottle from Uchi’s hands.

“No.” Uchi kept it out of his grasp, “You’ve had enough. More than enough.”

“I don’t have Kazuya to help me forget anymore!” Ryo shouted, “Why can’t you let me have the one other thing that helps?!”

“Because it’s killing you!” Uchi shouted back with tears in his eyes, “You’re my best friend, Ryo-chan; and I can see how much it’s hurting you!”

“What’s hurting me is not being able to forget!” Ryo snarled.

“If Kazuya was here...would you stop this?” Uchi asked quietly.

“Well, it doesn’t matter, does it? Because he’s not here, and he’ll never be here ever again! Because I killed his brother and he fucking hates me! He should hate me too, because how could anyone forgive me for what I did?! Because of my stupidity, someone is dead; it’s all my fault and I can’t do anything to make up for it! I’ll never be able to!”

Uchi looked with sadness at his best friend, who was damaging himself so much, inflicting so much hurt onto himself with the guilt.

He stood up, taking the half-empty bottle with him, and he went over to Ryo’s fridge and took out the case of beer as well, “I’m taking these with me. I’m going out for a while; I don’t want to see you drunk or anything resembling being intoxicated when I get back.” He said sternly.

He closed his eyes to ignore the pained look Ryo sent him.

“You can’t kill yourself this way.” He said finally, “You can’t just drown everything in alcohol.”

“Yes, I can.” Ryo insisted.

“Well, I won’t let you.” Uchi said defiantly, “And your friends won’t let you. And I don’t think Kazuya would have liked you to do this.”

“You don’t know anything about Kazuya!” Ryo growled.

“I know that in the time that you were with him, you refrained from sinking so deep in your depression and guilt that you drank all day like you’re doing now. You kept it to only when you were with him.” Uchi said quietly, “I don’t know if that was intentional or not, but he did some good for you.”

“He didn’t mean for it.” Ryo retorted, glaring at his best friend, “I’m sure he’d be happy to see me die right now.”

Uchi glared at him, at his casual talk of death, “I don’t want to hear that from you! Get some sleep and I’ll be back soon.” He ordered as he left Ryo’s apartment.

He flipped open his cell phone as he carried the alcohol into his own apartment and locked it in a closet, “Pi? I need you to help me with something.”

* * *

--- part 3 ---

[one-shot] Guilty Pleasure {3/3}

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 22:00:52 GMT

[One-shot] Guilty Pleasure {3/3}

Pairing: ryokame
rating: pg-15
Summary: It was probably very wrong to fall in love with the brother of the man whose death you felt responsible for. It was also probably wrong to sleep with him for months before you fell in love.

Part 1 | part 2 |

--- PART 3 ---

A month after his argument with Uchi, when the younger man had seemed to make it his mission to make sure Ryo was sober all the time – something Ryo hated the younger man for – Ryo opened the door to find a familiar face that he had not seen in months, since right after Yuya’s death.

“Pi.” He said stonily, “What do you want?” he snapped.

“Hiroki sent me to baby-sit you.” Yamapi chirped cheerfully, but there was a serious look in his eyes as he looked at Ryo, “Wow, you look…”

“I look like shit?” Ryo snapped, “If you’re here to insult me, you can leave. Hiroki’s taken all the alcohol from this place, so I can’t get drunk, so you can just go.”

“I want to spend time with you though, Ryo-chan!” Yamapi said, ignoring Ryo’s snappy tone and brushing past the older man inside.

Ryo grunted and followed Yamapi, sitting down on his couch as he stared grumpily at the younger man, “How long are you here?”

“Until Hiroki gets back~” Yamapi said with a grin, “You’re stuck with me until then.”

“I’d rather get not stuck with either or you.” Ryo snapped.

There was a long silence.

“You’d prefer Kamenashi right?”

Ryo’s head snapped up and with a glare, turned so that he had his back to Yamapi.

He could feel the younger man’s stare on him.

“I met him, you know.” Yamapi started, “I can see why you like him.”

Ryo stiffened.

“It was after his brother – well, you know. I’m the one who had to tell him what had happened to his brother. You were too out of it to notice him arrive, probably, but I drove him there and was with him the entire time. I can see why you two would connect so easily; you were both so distraught over a death you had no control over.”

“I had control over it!” Ryo snapped, “It was my fault!”

“It was an accident, Ryo-chan. No one blames you. And if anyone does, it’s someone incredibly stupid!” Yamapi tried, “You can’t keep doing this…”

“Yes I can!” Ryo snapped angrily, “Shut up, just shut up Pi.”

Yamapi sighed, “You’re impossible Ryo-chan.” He muttered, “I think I’ll let Hiroki deal with you.”

“Where is he anyways?” Ryo muttered darkly, “He still has my alcohol locked up.”

“He’s visiting with Kamenashi.” Yamapi said nonchalantly.

“What?!”

* * *

Kazuya looked tired, Uchi noted, when he was let into Kazuya’s apartment after he had shown up at the man’s apartment building. The older man looked almost as bad as Ryo, except without the bloodshot eyes that Ryo now sported every day. All he had had to do was mention Ryo, and Kazuya had gotten a weary look on his face and invited Uchi up to his apartment to talk.

“You wanted to talk about...Ryo?” Not even Kazuya could hide the hitch in his voice as he said the name.

“I did.” Uchi nodded, “Are you aware of what he’s going through right now?”

Kazuya rubbed his head, “Look, if you’re here to get me to go to him or something, it won’t work.” He said with conviction in his voice, “I warned him.” He added.

“You did…but…” Uchi paused, “I don’t…I don’t believe you broke things off with him just because you found out about his role with your brother’s death; I think you knew long before now. Ryo was always saying that because you didn’t know his name, it was your way of reassuring that you wouldn’t get too close to him, but you already knew his name, didn’t you? So…why?”

Kazuya’s expression had frozen, like ice, “I don’t have to talk about that with you.” He said finally.

Uchi tried to press the subject though, “It’s true though, isn’t it? Why did you start all this with Ryo?! It’s hurting him so much right now! And I know – Pi...Yamashita," he clarified for Kazuya, "told me; when he met you, right after your brother’s death, you didn’t seem at all like you’d be the type to play with someone’s feelings on purpose, so why?!”

Kazuya looked away, “He knew what he was getting into.” He said finally, “I warned him.” He repeated.

Uchi stared at him; it was almost as though Kazuya was trying to convince himself he had done the right thing.

“Kamenashi…”

Kazuya looked him directly in his eyes, “Believe what you want; I know what I did was right. There was no way we could continue after he began to fall for me. Not with the way he is now.”

Uchi blinked on confusion, “What do you –“

He broke off, staring at a picture over Kazuya’s shoulder, “Because he had fallen for you…you would no longer be able to keep that distance…did you like him back too? Never mind; I think I know…but he would have found out about who you really were eventually; you couldn’t keep that wall between you anymore.”

Kazuya had stilled.

“But that doesn’t explain why you approached him in the first place…” Uchi stared at Kazuya, hoping the older man would open up and tell him.

But of course, that would be too easy.

“Please, Kamenashi…do you know how much he’s hurting right now? He’s gotten even worse than before he met you! He’s drinking nearly every hour of every day; I take the alcohol away from him, but it doesn’t help; he’s so distraught over you!”

“I told him not to get close.” Kazuya almost seemed to be reading off a script.

Uchi couldn’t help it – he reached out and shook Kazuya’s shoulders, “He’s drowning himself in guilt, because he thinks he killed your brother!” he yelled, feeling guilty for doing so when he saw the wince cross the exhausted-looking man’s face.

“I know.” Kazuya said tiredly.

“Why can’t you just face him and tell him he shouldn’t?!” Uchi asked frantically.

“Because I can’t do that!” Kazuya snapped, “You think I’d be good for him or something? I drink with him, I encourage him to forget instead of facing what happened. What the hell makes you think I’d be good for him? You think that because he knows now, that it changes anything for me? I knew from the beginning; I got emotionally involved from the beginning! I knew everything going in; there was no way I couldn’t be emotionally involved. Because I knew who he was… and then I – I fell and - that’s why I told him, over and over again, not to get emotionally involved!”

“But he has! And you, apparently, feel the same, or feel something! So why can’t you –” he trailed off, looking at Kazuya, “You’re punishing yourself too.” He whispered.

Kazuya stiffened.

“Both of you, you’re so alike. You’d rather drown in guilt and hurt than try to face everything and move on in life,” Uchi shook his head in frustration, “Why can’t you two just accept that things can hurt in life, but you have to move on?! Both of you – you’re hurting so much because you refuse to let go!”

A long silence, and then, harshly, “Get out.”

“Ryo hasn’t tried to get you back, because he thinks he doesn’t deserve you, doesn’t deserve happiness…and you…you’re punishing yourself because you don’t think you deserve to be happy because you weren’t there to help your little brother.”

“Get out!” Kazuya hissed, wrapping his arms around himself, “Get out, get out, get out!”

Uchi looked sadly at Kazuya, “You feel something for Ryo don’t you? I know you do…if only…”

“I blamed him too.” Kazuya finally said in a soft whisper, “I blamed him too at one point. Before that night I first met him, I blamed him. But he was the only one who knew what my little brother’s last moments in life were like, and I wanted to find out, but…he was hurting too. And things just…got out of hand. But it was nice to forget and he gave me that…but then…but then…as time went on, the more he seemed to understand me, and then it turned into something more for me, and…even if he feels something for me now, do you honestly think I can be an escape for him anymore? I’m the very thing he’s trying to escape from and he knows it now!”

Uchi stared.

“I can’t help him anymore, even if I want to.” Kazuya finished, “Even if I go to him now, he won’t see me as ‘Kazuya’ anymore, but Kamenashi Kazuya; I’m no longer his escape. He doesn’t know it yet, but he won’t want me back. I’ll just be a constant reminder.”

“Then don’t be his escape; be the person he can move on with!” Uchi tried desperately.

Kazuya didn’t answer him, and simply turned his head, “I told him not to get close…” he murmured. He didn’t say anything else; he just laid there with his head in his arms on the arm rest of the couch. Uchi looked sadly at the man he had just met today; both he and his best friend were in so much pain, and he couldn’t seem to get through to either of them.

“Please, Kamenashi…” he said as he was about to leave the apartment, pausing at the doorway. Then, with a sigh, he closed the door behind him.

It was only after the door closed that Kazuya looked up again, a glisten in his eyes.

It’s impossible now.

I told you not to get too close…at least then, I could’ve helped just a little…

As long as you didn’t know who I was, I could’ve kept helping you, little by little…but…

It’s impossible now.

* * *

Two days after he met with Kazuya, Uchi was awoken by Ryo, who had somehow managed to get his hands on alcohol – despite his attempts, there was no way he could keep money away from Ryo after all – and had drunkenly stumbled to Uchi’s apartment.

“Ryo, oh not again.” Uchi really wanted to cry; every time he tried to help the older man, he would find some way to go back to his habit and all his hard work was undone.

“Why…the hell…” Ryo slurred just a little, stumbling forward.

Uchi grabbed Ryo’s arm before he could fall flat on his face.

“He saw you!” Ryo said to Uchi, “Why…”

“Ryo…sit down.” Uchi directed him to his couch.

“No! I – I just want him to not hate me.” Ryo confessed, “I –”

He threw himself down onto the couch, burying his head in the cushion.

“Ryo, he…he doesn’t hate you.” Uchi tried to say, comfortingly.

“You’re just saying that!” Ryo retorted, “He hates me, and he has a right to and –”

“He doesn’t hate you, Ryo!” Uchi snapped.

Ryo went still, and then shook his head, “He has to…otherwise, he’d see me; not you. You’re just a stranger to him and –” he took another sip of his bottle filled with alcohol.

“He doesn’t hate you!” Uchi repeated.

Ryo just stubbornly shook his head.

Uchi groaned in frustration, making Ryo turn to face him, “He doesn’t hate you, you idiot. And if you’d just listen to me, I would tell you that the reason he broke things off with you is not because of his brother, but because he’s convinced that he’s a living reminder of his brother – and your guilt – to you and that you don’t want him around anymore once you realize that!”

“You’re lying.” Ryo accused, “You’re trying to spare my feelings and –”

He looked up in shock when a hand met his face with a loud smack. Putting a hand to his cheek, he stared at Uchi.

“I’m not lying!” Uchi yelled loudly in frustration, “Don’t you dare call me a liar, Ryo! I wouldn’t lie when it came to this! You want him back so badly? Stop drinking yourself to death; he believes that you’ll be reminded of his brother if he shows that he returns your feelings and you start again when you left off. And from what I’m seeing now, he’s right. It’s his insecurity as well as yours, which is a result of not facing the man’s death and your guilt properly! So if you want him back, stop drinking! You’re just showing him that he’s right in thinking that he reminds you of your guilt! Move on, show him that he means more to you than an escape from the guilt!” Uchi snapped.

“Hiroki…”

“I don’t care if I have to hit you again to knock some sense into you! You’re so stupid, both of you! But he actually has a right to not go to you even if he has feelings for you, because you’re acting like this! You’re acting like Kamenashi really is nothing but just a convenient escape for you and now that he’s gone, you’ve escaped into alcohol. If you truly like him and want him back, then act like it!”

And with that, Uchi stood up and in a fit of frustration, anger and helplessness, stormed into his room and slammed the door.

Ryo stared at the closed door, Uchi’s words piercing through the alcohol-induced haze of his mind. He began to take another swig of his drink, but then he stopped as the opening of the bottle rested on his lips, Uchi’s words ringing loudly in his mind.

It was hours later when Uchi ventured back out into the main room. When he looked around, he saw that Ryo was gone.

On the table was a bottle, more than half of its contents still inside. Uchi picked it up, sniffing it; it was definitely what Ryo had been drinking before.

Curious, he opened his door to head to Ryo’s apartment, and was stopped by three packs of beer stacked in front of his door. Uchi stared at it, and a relieved smile crossed his face as he got the message Ryo was trying to give him.

He hoped it meant what he thought it meant.

If it did, it was a good start.

* * *

It was months since he had seen either Ryo or Uchi (even longer for Ryo because the latter had made a visit to him one afternoon a few months ago) and Kazuya sighed as he dragged himself home from work. He was definitely looking a bit better these days; his friends had made sure to check up on him from time to time. Not even they had been able to miss the weight Kazuya had lost, or the dark circles, or the depressed feeling he gave off.

Kazuya knew he had done the right thing; he knew he felt something for Ryo, but at the same time, he knew that Ryo as he was at the time he realized his feelings for Kazuya…was someone he could never be with, because he could no longer be the older man’s escape from reality; he was, after all, the family of Yuya, and that came with the guilt that Ryo had been trying to run from.

And if being an escape wasn’t possible, a relationship – although both of them felt the same way – was definitely not possible.

He kept wondering though…

Had Ryo moved on from him yet? Had he found someone else to take his pain away?

He wondered if it was selfish to feel a bit hurt at the thought of someone taking his place.

He was approaching his apartment when he was stopped by the man who worked at the front desk.

“Kamenashi-san, someone dropped his off for you while you were out.” The man said, handing him a sealed envelope.

Kazuya took it curiously.

“Do you know who it’s from?” he asked, turning the letter over and unable to find a return address.

“No, someone else was here at the time, so I’m afraid I don’t know who delivered it.” The man said, looking apologetic.

Kazuya merely put a polite smile onto his face, “It’s alright. Thank you.” He said as he wandered toward the elevators. While in the elevator, he opened the letter and read it slowly. His eyes widened after a few moments and as the elevator made a ‘ding’ noise to indicated he had reached his floor, Kazuya pressed the button for the lobby – multiple times. He bit his lip impatiently as he watched the numbers light up with each floor he went down.

Once he was on the main floor, he rushed out of the building, the letter clutched in his hands. The words ran through his head as he ran.

Kazuya,

Hiroki told me you thought that by being near you, I’ll be reminded only of my guilt. You won’t have to worry about not seeing me anymore – the guilt will be gone soon. I’m sorry if you’ve been hurt by this too. I'm sorry for everything.

- Ryo

It seemed so final. It –

He ran faster.

* * *

Kazuya rushed up to Ryo’s apartment. The door was unlocked and he burst in through the door, panic in his eyes. Ryo had better not have been stupid enough to do what the note was implying. Kazuya was out of breath when he ran through the apartment, looking for Ryo. Kazuya – Kazuya hadn’t given up seeing Ryo just so he could drown in guilt even more and hurt himself!

He found Ryo in his bedroom.

Kazuya quickly closed the distance between them, and –

“Fuck!” Ryo swore when Kazuya’s fist met his face. Kazuya was panting heavily, and glaring at Ryo with such anger that he shrank back.

“What the hell are you thinking?!” Kazuya raged, waving the note around, “You asshole! I can’t believe you! Hiroki told me you stopped drinking, and I thought you were moving on – and then I find this!” He was furious, “You want to threaten your own life?! I’ll give you a threat – I’ll beat you up so bad that you can’t even pull a trigger or slash your wrists or whatever you wanted to do! Hell, I’ll hurt you so much that you can’t even crawl off the edge of a building, you stupid, idiotic, imbecilic, selfish –”

He was cut off when Ryo burst into a grin.

“That was the only way I could think of to get you to come here.”

Kazuya stared at Ryo for a long moment.

“Fuck!” Ryo swore again when Kazuya punched him again. He held his jaw, rubbing it in pain and staring up at Kazuya, “What was –”

“The first one was for threatening your life! The second one was for scaring me!” a glare crossed Kazuya’s face as he kicked Ryo’s leg, “And that is for tricking me!” he finished and he turned around, intent on leaving.

He couldn’t believe he’d let himself get tricked into going to Ryo – he had sworn he wouldn’t. Because, it just wasn’t going to work, especially not if –

“You are a reminder of your brother,” Ryo cut through his thoughts and yanked on Kazuya’s arm, keeping him from leaving.

“Let go.” Kazuya hissed, shoulders stiffening at Ryo’s words.

“I can’t – and won’t – forget him, because he’s the reason I met you.” Ryo said sternly, not letting Kazuya go like the younger man asked, “And I’ll always feel guilty about what my actions led to.”

“Then let me go.” Kazuya retorted, struggling against Ryo’s grip, “I don’t care how much you’ve thought about this; I can’t help you escape anymore. You said it yourself; I remind you of Yuya, and –”

“I don’t want you as just an escape!” Ryo shouted over Kazuya’s words. His voice softened as he looked at Kazuya, “Look, I’ve had months to think…and lots of days of Hiroki beating my head in with facing my feelings,” he shuddered with a look at Kazuya, hoping to get a reaction from the younger man. Nothing.

With a sigh, he continued, “I don’t want us to be apart like this anymore, because…” he struggled to find the words, “Because we understand each other.” He said pleadingly, “And I don’t want you as just an escape, or just for sex, or whatever; I want you by my side…”

Kazuya had stiffened and Ryo quickly spoke.

“You were four years older than Yuya; you and he lost your parents when you were eighteen and he was fourteen, and you were emancipated and you took care of Yuya ever since. You had no other relatives so you were the only one who could, short of a foster home. You loved baseball just as much as Yuya and you worked, along with going to school, so that you and Yuya wouldn’t be separated because you were each other’s only family left.”

Kazuya looked at Ryo in shock.

Ryo pulled on Kazuya’s arm to drag him with him – so that Kazuya didn’t leave – and pulled out a couple of magazines and handed them to Kazuya, “Yuya talked about you a lot in interviews. He talked about you so much; I think he really loved and looked up to you.” He admitted softly. It was proof of how much he had moved on that he could talk about Yuya like this, "His last words...he said that he wished he could have seen you one last time, so that he could thank you for all you did for him, for taking care of him..."

A stricken expression had crossed Kazuya’s face as he looked at the covers with Yuya’s face on them.

“I know your reasoning, but…I don’t want to live in the past anymore. I’ll always feel a bit of guilt, but even stronger than that, I know I feel something for you. And…I’ve spent all these months, trying to get over this guilt, trying my best, because I know you won’t begin anything with me unless I’m over it – but…I’ll always feel guilty, even just a little, because it was my fault, for not protecting him better.”

Kazuya couldn’t seem to look away from Ryo, it seemed. Ryo took it as a good sign.

“There’s no way; it just…it won’t work out…” Kazuya protested, “We have too much history with each other. It won’t work out.”

“You don’t know that.” Ryo said, closing the distance between them even more. His hands rested on Kazuya’s arms, “You don’t know what will happen in the future.”

“Oh, and you do?” Kazuya snapped, but his tone was softening, liking the words that Ryo was saying to him.

“No…but at least it’s not the past.” Ryo answered, “And I like to think that the future is where I’m headed, and the future I want to see has you in it.” He said huskily. Their face were mere inches apart, and it wasn’t all Ryo’s doing either.

Kazuya struggled to resist; all logic told him that Ryo was still grieving, and Ryo himself had admitted he would always feel a bit guilty, but Ryo’s words did make sense. The death had affected Ryo so much that he couldn’t possible not feel a tiny bit of guilt, and…Ryo was willing to move on from the past. That was what he had wanted for Ryo when he had left right? Just…he didn’t think it’d be with him.

“I want to give that future a chance.” Ryo spoke again.

Kazuya’s eyes fluttered shut; he couldn’t deny that he liked the sound of the words, and the confidence that Ryo said them with. He was giving in, but he shouldn’t…but…

“Do you want to try for that future?”

Their faces had drawn so close that their lips were mere centimeters from each other.

“Yes…” he breathed on Ryo’s lips.

--- END ----

And that's the end~~ I hope everyone enjoyed it and that everything made sense - the reactions and stuff ^^;;; also, in the last scene, Ryo had had like...months to think about everything and try to get over his guilt and soooo, if he seems changed all of a sudden, that's why; he's just...not overwhelmed by guilt, that's all. ^__^;;;

And...um....that's it =P

Wait no. One more thing. THANK YOU ISA <3 For putting up with me the past week and stuff~~ <3333 ilu. <3

*runs off to work on PP*

oh, and there are probably typos; i haven't looked it over that much yet, sooo umm...i'll fix those when i have time to look this over ^___^

happy birthday ryo-chan!!! ♥ and fic preview for a gonna-be-a-bit-late fic for Ryo's birthday~

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 07:02:07 GMT

It's November 3rd!! That wonderful time of the year when Ryo-chan gets a year older ♥ ~~he'll probably stop thinking it's wonderful though when he reaches the age of 40 or so. XD~~

I actually have a fic for his birthday...but it's not done yet, so until then...this'll be my birthday greeting!! Because I've been swamped with school and club activities, i didn't come up with a good fic idea until Sunday so unfortunately, my birthday present to him will be late ;___; but hey, ryokame is worth the wait...right? ;)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYO-CHAN! Thank you for being awesome and so funny and to sexy and hot and so cute & just thank you for being you ♥ ilu ♥

And until I can get the fic finished ~~if I don't get it finished by tomorrow noon, i'll have to put it on hold so i can work on an assignment that's due on Wednesday~~, here's a preview:

--

It was in the empty hallway that they finally stopped holding back and their lips met in furious kisses.

Ryo stopped for a few seconds after getting into the bedroom, “My name’s –” he started, figuring he would feel less like he was using Kazuya if they at least knew each other’s name. He had found out Kazuya's, but the other had yet to ask for his.

“I don’t want your name.” Kazuya said aloud, breaking him off, “I don’t need or want it. This isn’t anything personal. You do know that right?”

Ryo didn’t answer, but he did flip Kazuya onto his back on the white sheets and no more words were exchanged.

--

....angsty-ish, i know XDDDD

I guess you could call it a comfort!fic...except there's more angst than fluffiness in here XDD But it ends happy, i swear~~

♥

buzzer beat (naoki x riko) fanvid =)

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 22:10:20 GMT

I finally got windows movie maker to work on my Toshiba laptop!! :) So I made a fanvid =P First one since...April I think. *blinks* wow, it's been that long. O.o

well, anyways, those who liked/watched buzzer beat, i present to you...a naoki x riko fanvid! ^___^

Song: Love Story

Hope you enjoyed that =P Now I'm gonna run back to writing PP, or else manager-san will poke me...XDD

To Do List + requests

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 22:10:55 GMT

My to-do list for December, because otherwise, I'll get swamped and will be rushing around trying to get all the requests straight and yeah...not a pretty sight. Comment here if I've forgotten yours, or if you would like a short one and don't mind it being late while I finish these.

--

♥ Concrete Angel - sequel-ish thing ----- for shi_koi, no special occasion (although, since it's around that time, how'd you like it for Christmas? =P If I can manage to get it done by then, that is...)

♥ White Flowers - update ----- for pinkeuphoria1 for her birthday
♥ Assassin!Ryu - random new scene ----- for pinkeuphoria1 for Christmas.
Note: Isaaaaaa, assassin!ryu <3 assassin!ryu <3 assassin!ryu <3 Have I made you flaily yet? =P *points to display pic* now, now, now have I made you flaily? ^_______^

♥ Lord!Kame x butler-ish!Ryo ----- for camui_eiri for her birthday (& Christmas i guess since they're only a day apart )

♥ doctor-themed!Ryokame ----- for eragon22 for Christmas
Note: Kat, I've thought of a plot and you're not online right now, so I hope you read this. Otherwise, I'll tell you online next time I see you. How does paediatrician!Kame x daddy!Ryo sound?

♥ a Christmas one-shot/drabble/whatever of the chibi!akame Second Chance series, done with chuukibito for everyone who reads it. ^__^

♥ and if I have time...well, it's a surprise, in case I don't have time.

♥ two Kusachi drabbles for quinnsan

♥ Ryo/Massu for tacchon ----- fluff with potential for angst (/something not fluff) ie.

if i have forgotten yours, please tell me.

Second Chance - Chapter 7

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 07:11:26 GMT

Second Chance - Chapter 7

Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG-13
Summary: sequel to the tragic sequel of Anything For You. Kazuya and Jin have been given a second chance: they have been reincarnated. Growing up together, they create a bond that gets stronger and stronger with time...however, will this be enough to help them avoid the same tragic fate? Will they be able to be happy and together in this life?

And I'm finally out with Chapter 7! ^___^ It's a bit short...again....but still, better than nothing right? =P Hope you enjoy~~

When Tatsuya brought Kazuya over to the Yamashita-Nishikido household one Tuesday afternoon, the two of them were greeted to the sight of a blur running past them, followed by two taller blurs, one of which was yelling threats of no candy if the first blur didn’t stop running away.

“Hah! Can’t catch me!” Jin’s voice was heard screaming as he ran further into the house.

“Jin! Get back here!” Yamapi howled as he kept running after the four-year-old.

Kazuya stared with wide eyes at the scene. Tatsuya couldn’t blame him – his own eyes were probably the same way. He also wasn’t sure he wanted to know what was going on.

“Can’t catch me!!!” a gleeful shout was heard as small feet ran down the stairs again. Jin came running into view, still in his pyjamas.

“Hi Kazu! Hi Tat-Tat!” Jin chirped, coming to a stop, and then seeing two adults closing in on him, he yelped and shouted a, “Bye Kazu! Bye Tat-Tat!” and ran out the kitchen door.

“Jin!!!” Twin howls echoed through the kitchen, as two taller blurs followed Jin into the backyard.

Kazuya looked up at Tatsuya, “Tat-Tat, what’s Jin-Jin doing? Why’re Pi-Pi and Ri-Ri chasing Jin-Jin?” he asked with wide eyes. Tatsuya had to admit that going to nursery school early had certainly helped Kazuya’s vocabulary skills develop at a quicker rate than it would have had he stayed at home; his sentences were only a bit fragmented now.

“I don’t know…” Tatsuya said, picking Kazuya up just in case the insane idiots decided to come back and chase Kazuya instead. You never knew when it came to these two.

“Ask Ma-Ma?” Kazuya suddenly said, pointing across the room to where highly amused members of NEWS were convening and Kazuya giggled as Tegoshi made a face to make him laugh.

“ ‘eshi-eshi!” Kazuya called, reaching out for the younger man. Tatsuya led Tegoshi take him, Kazuya’s giggles filling the air as he was suddenly being tickled.

“So…what’s going on there?” he jabbed a finger in the direction of the opened kitchen door and the backyard, from which was emanating screams of, “CAN’T CATCH ME!!!” and, “GET BACK HERE JIN!” as well as, “GRAB HIM RYO!!” and, “I’M TRYING! HE’S RUNNING BY YOU PI! GET HIM!”

Koyama started laughing nervously, “Um…you see, it’s not as complicated and insane as it looks…”

Tatsuya raised an eyebrow, “If you don’t call that –” he pointed to the backyard, “– insane, then I don’t think I want to see what you think of insane as…”

“Well, there was this one time –” Shige started.

“Why is Jin running from Nishikido and Yamashita?” Tatsuya cut in before he could hear about any other insanity that NEWS had taken part in.

There was a long silence, during which Koyama shifted awkwardly and Kusano started laughing quietly to himself. That only made Tatsuya’s wariness rise and he eyed them all suspiciously but he still wanted to know. At this point, even Kazuya was paying rapt attention to the conversation, curious about what was going on.

“Well?” Tatsuya demanded.

“Kazu want to know too!” Kazuya burst out, and that seemed to be the trigger for getting NEWS to talk, because they finally spoke.

All at once, at exactly the same time, so it was nearly like a badly planned group chant.

“Jin doesn’t want to take a bath!” the voices of Koyama, Shige, Tegoshi, Massu, Kusano and Uchi said together. Then, the six of them looked at each other in surprise that they had spoken nearly all at the same time.

Tatsuya raised an eyebrow at their answer, “They’re chasing him, looking like insane people…because he doesn’t want to take a bath?”

A silence settled over them again. During this silence, they could hear the progress of the Jin-Chase taking place in the backyard.

“OW!” PI’s voice yelped.

“DON’T LET GO!” Ryo’s voice snapped, “IDIOT!”

“IT HURT!” Pi whined.

Jin’s voice giggled hysterically, “PI-PI AND RI-RI CAN’T CATCH ME!”

Tatsuya stared dumbfounded at the open door, where for a brief moment, they saw Jin run past with a wave at everyone in the kitchen, followed by Ryo and Yamapi.

Kazuya broke Tatsuya’s dumbfounded silence with a giggle, “Jin-Jin silly!” he declared.

“Yes he is.” Uchi said with a straight face as he took Kazuya into his arms and held the toddler up in the air, “But you’re not silly are you, Kazu-chan? You don’t run at bath time do you?”

Tatsuya scoffed, “Run away? He’s more likely to run toward the water.”

Kazuya’s giggles filled the air as he clapped his hands together, “Bath! Bath! Bath!”

Uchi’s grin only widened at that, “Great, because I know how to stop this madness.”

Tatsuya raised an eyebrow, “Does it involve using my grandson?”

Uchi nodded hesitantly, “Yes?”

“…does it involve ribbons, frilly things or anything Yamashita would come up with?”

Kazuya had scrunched up his face at the mention of ribbons and frilly things, remembering all too well the incident with frilly things at Yamapi’s grand-niece’s wedding.

“No…”

“Does it involve letting him take control of the steering wheel for two seconds to see what kind of damage a two year can do on the streets?”

“No!”

After a long while, Tatsuya finally agreed to let Uchi use Kazuya in his plan. Uchi gave Tatsuya a weird look, as if wondering why he had been asked these questions, but then again, knowing who they kept the company of, it was sort of understandable.

Uchi walked over to the door and waited patiently, and at the right moment, reached his hand out and –

“OW!”

Ryo’s enraged and startled voice cut through the air as he went stumbling into the kitchen, dragged by Uchi’s hand pulling on his ear. Uchi let go with an innocent smile, “There.”

“That hurt.” Ryo sulked, “What do you want? We still haven’t caught Jin.”

“I know.” Uchi nodded, “But I have a better idea than to let your neighbours think you’re crazy.”

“We’re not –”

Ryo cut himself off at a sudden yell of, “RYO, YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING!” coming from the backyard. He faltered, “Alright, what do you have in mind?” he asked dejectedly.

“Well, let’s see…” Uchi tapped his chin in a mock thoughtful way, “We have a rebellious four-year-old who won’t take a bath.”

“I know that.”

“And”, Uchi continued as though Ryo hadn’t interrupted him, “We have two desperate and probably growing a bit insane grandparents who will do anything to get him into the water.”

“So?”

“And we have a toddler who will do anything for a trip to the ice cream shop, who just happens to be probably the only toddler in the world – well, that we have available anyways – who likes taking a bath, and who just also happens to be the one person in the world that a certain bath-hating toddler will do anything for and with.”

Ryo spun his head to look at Kazuya who was giggling and playing a hand game with Kusano while being held by Tegoshi.

“Kazu-chan…”

Kazuya turned his head, a grin breaking out on his face, “Ri-Ri!”

Ryo beamed at him, looking at Kazuya as though he was his saviour – and he probably was at this point. Kazuya tilted his head in confusion.

“Do you want ice cream Kazu-chan?” he asked. Everyone knew of Kazuya’s sweet tooth; it wasn’t hard to figure out the first thing Kazuya would ask for if they asked what he wanted.

Kazuya’s eyes widened, “Ice cream!” he clapped his hands together, thus ruining the pattern of the hand game that he had been playing with Kusano. Kusano pouted.

“I just want you to do one thing.” Ryo smiled brightly at Kazuya.

* * *

“Jin-Jin!”

Jin looked up when he heard his voice being called, by someone familiar. His eyes grew wide when he saw Kazuya waving at him from the window of the upstairs bathroom. The toddler was smiling and brandishing a bottle of bubble bath, “Kazu get Jin-Jin’s bath!” he declared as though it was a good thing.

Jin was horrified.

Ryo obviously realized that he was no match against Jin's superior speed, and had abducted Kazuya instead and was putting Kazuya through the torture that was bath time.

“No! Kazu-chan!”

Jin shouted as his four-year-old imagination went into overdrive. Ryo had probably brainwashed Kazuya, or worse, told Kazuya that there was ice cream in the bathtub or something, because Jin knew how much Kazuya liked ice cream, and Ryo was going to put Kazuya in the bath. That icky, stupid, bath –

He bolted inside, and Yamapi followed with a bewildered expression.

“KAZU-CHAN, JIN WILL SAVE YOU!” Jin yelled loudly – and hysterically – at the top of his lungs. He ran into the bathroom just in time to see Kazuya –

– giggling and covered in bubbles and playing with Jin’s bath toys?

“Kazu-chan!” Jin yelled, scandalized. Oh no, Kazuya had been brainwashed!

“Jin-Jin! Bath! Bubbles!” Kazuya giggled.

“No! Too late!” Jin called weakly.

“Jin-Jin! Bath fun!” Kazuya pouted at Jin, “Play with Kazu?” he pulled out a toy ship and promptly capsized it. The little toy passengers never had a chance.

“Well, if Jin won’t play with you, Kazu, we’ll get Akira to come over.” Tatsuya commented thoughtfully, “He certainly seems clean. I don’t want you getting sick from the germs of Jin not bathing after all.”

Jin didn’t know what that meant, but he did know one thing.

He had to either sacrifice himself to – he shuddered – bath time, or he had to put up with Akira and Tat-Tat not letting Jin play with Kazuya.

He promptly jumped in.

Kazuya giggled and clapped happily.

“Jin, those were your only clean pair of pyjamas.” Yamapi said mournfully, “Because someone refuses to do laundry.”

Ryo glared, “Never! You can’t make me!”

“…now I know where Jin gets it from…” Uchi remarked from where he had been videotaping the whole thing with a huge grin on his face.

Meanwhile, Tatsuya began to sympathize with the children’s future teenage selves. They were never going to live their childhood down.

* * *

Two hours later, in an ice cream shop not too far from the house, two children were sitting amongst a group of adults, one looking cheerful and one looking disgruntled.

Jin pouted at his grandfather, “Jin still don’t like baths.” He said petulantly.

Yamapi merely beamed at Jin’s wet hair and didn’t say anything.

“Kazu likes baths!” Kazuya pouted up at Jin, “Bath’s fun and has bubbles and Kazu can go splash-splash!” he made splashing movements with his little hands.

The adults all melted at that.

Jin pouted, “Baths icky…”

Kazuya pouted back, “Jin-Jin!”

Jin pouted back, “But Jin’s gonna take baths ‘cause Tat-Tat is mean.”

Tatsuya shrugged and continued eating his ice cream.

“Here, Kazu.” Ryo said innocently, discreetly looking at Jin as he stuck out his ice cream cone, “Chocolate.”

The two-year-old beamed and immediately leaned forward to have a taste of the chocolate ice cream.

Jin pouted and said loudly, “My chocolate’s better Kazu!” he promptly did the same as Ryo, as he forgot all about pouting about his bath and concentrated on keeping Kazuya’s attention on himself.

Ryo leaned back in his chair, “Too easy.”

“If you have time to manipulate the feelings of your grandson, then do the damn laundry!” Yamapi said with a roll of his eyes.

“Never!”

---- END ---

Well, that's it. It's not very exciting but lol, none of these usually are. They're usually just cute. XD But the point of this chapter: take a bath or Tat-chan won't let you go near Kazuya? XDDD nah, it's so Jin won't go around in his teenage years not taking baths for days or something XDDD

Also, is anybody getting curious as to how they ended up with Tatsuya, Ryo, Junno and Yamapi? =P 'cause I totally haven't mentioned anything about that yet and I should probably get into it soon or something? But if no one's curious, i'll just save it for when/if they get older. XDDD

And...I'm off to sleep 'cause it's late and I have a presentation at school tomorrow. Bye~~~

The Pauper Prince[ss] - Chapter 31

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 07:24:56 GMT

The Pauper Prince[ss] - Chapter 31

Pairing: Akame
Rating: pg-13
Summary: To end the war that has desecrated the lives of the people between two kingdoms, an alliance in the form of an arranged marriage has been made between the two royal families. however, when the princess runs away to avoid being married, the unwilling look-a-like pauper, Kamenashi Kazuya, somehow finds himself brought in to play the part of the princess and deceive Prince Jin. But Kazuya never expected to fall in love...

Lalala, chapter 31 is here~~~ sorry for the long wait! ^___^ I was planning to get it out before now, but unfortunately, schoolwork got in my way >< This chapter is more of a filler chapter, but for those people who want to read a fluffy-ish/non-angsty akame scene, then you'll enjoy this =P it's mostly here to explain the status of their relationship after that scene last chapter, and how they stand now. I'll try to get ~~(a longer)~~ next chapter out as quickly as I can, but I can't promise anything very soon since I do have school ><

But for now, enjoy~~

---- CHAPTER 31 ----

Brown eyes refused to blink. The stare locked stubbornly onto another’s and various pairs of eyes looked on a bit nervously. Then, suddenly, with a yank, he grinned victoriously as he yanked the sticky object out of the other’s hands, and smirked.

“Ha!” Yamapi said victoriously, taking a slow bite of the sugar glazed desert.

Ryo shot him a rueful look, “Haven’t you ever heard of sharing?”

“Not with you.” Yamapi said with a bright grin as he broke the desert in half with his hands and plonked it onto Kazuya’s plate, much to the younger man’s surprise and amusement.

“Pi, be nice.” Kazuya admonished.

“Yeah, be nice”, Ryo echoed with a smirk.

“Ryo, stop antagonizing Yamapi”, Uchi said with a frown.

“Yeah, stop antagonizing me.” Yamapi returned with a similar smirk.

Koki and Maru exchanged looks, and then burst out into what could best be described as a fit of giggles. The others raised their eyebrows at the two of them.

“What?” Kusano asked, wondering what was so funny.

“Does it ever seem…” Maru started, before he shook his head and started laughing as he looked at Kazuya, Yamapi, Ryo and Uchi.

Koki continued for him, “Doesn’t it seem like Nishikido and Yamapi are misbehaving school-aged boys and Kazuya and Uchi are supervising parents setting their poor children up on a play date?”

Ryo sat up indignantly, a scowl crossing his face. Yamapi had a mirroring scowl on his face as he hit both Koki and Maru over the head.

Kusano, who had been listening, grinned like a maniac, no doubt imagining that situation. And judging by the size of his grin, he was probably imagining them in full costume as well.

Jin, who had been sitting strangely quietly on the other side of Kazuya, suddenly burst into a grin as well, “Oh look, Ryo, you’ve been upgraded to the age of a six-year-old.”

Ryo growled and reached over to hit him on the arm.

Jin scowled and hit back. Ryo glared, matching Jin’s glare.

Yamapi took a bite of his desert, “I’d say Akanishi has taken my place as the other six-year-old.”

“So, no matter what happens, Ryo ends up as the little kid”, Tatsuya said and looked at Uchi consolingly, “I’m sorry that your ‘child’ never grows up.”

Uchi hung his head as though ashamed, but the others could see the grin fighting its way onto Uchi’s face. Then, he looked up with a hopeful expression, “Anyone up for babysitting – uh…Ryo-sitting then?”

Everyone gave him incredulous looks. Then, light snickers broke out at Uchi’s expression – realization that no one wanted to volunteer – and at Ryo’s expression when he realized that same thing.

Ryo gave a growl, “What is this, pick-on-Ryo day?!”

“Yes”, Yamapi answered automatically.

Ryo turned a mock hurt look at Yamapi, “You’re so mean Tomohisa!”

“That’s the pot calling the kettle black.” Tatsuya muttered under his breath.

Ryo whipped his head around, “What was that?!”

“Nothing” Tatsuya plastered on an innocent smile.

Ryo glared at everyone, before his eyes settled on Yamapi who was happily still munching on his desert and he grinned, ignoring everyone else, as he grabbed the desert from Yamapi’s unsuspecting hands and took a bite. Yamapi’s eyes were wide as he stared at Ryo, who placed the desert back into the younger man’s hands.

“Y- you!” Yamapi spluttered, pointing accusingly at Ryo.

“I wanted to show you the concept of sharing” Ryo smirked.

“I didn’t need that!” Yamapi retorted, “And – and I was eating that!”

“You can still eat it” Ryo said with a bit of a snicker.

Yamapi stared at Ryo, and then his desert, and then back at Ryo. He shook his head and thrust the desert into Ryo’s hands, “You can have it!” he retorted irritably.

“You learned how to share!” Ryo announced with a grin, “I’m so happy for you Tomohisa!” he said, flinging his arm around Yamapi’s shoulders once again, ignoring the younger man’s yelps for him to get off.

“Well”, Uchi said. He stood up with a grin on his face, “I’ll leave the ‘babysitting’ for today to you then.”

“Wha –” was the most coherent thing Yamapi could manage.

“Well, we all seem to agree that Ryo’s a little kid, and since you seem to get along so well, sharing your food and all, I’m sure you’re the best choice to take care of Ryo-chan.”

Yamapi spluttered, “B-but…”

He turned to Kazuya for help, eyes pleading, “Kazu-chan!!!!”

Kazuya, however, clearly amused by Yamapi’s situation, merely smiled brightly, “Well, you did finally learn to share with him…”

Yamapi spluttered and began protesting, but it fell on deaf ears as everyone, with laughing grins on their faces, left him alone and complaining to no one in particular.

Realizing that no one was listening, Yamapi turned to Ryo, who had a decisively evil smirk on his face. Yamapi had a feeling that this had been Ryo’s plan all along when he had stolen his desert. The shorter man had definitely just turned all the teasing against him to his advantage.

“I hate you.” Yamapi moaned in despair, left alone in the room with what he was sure was the devil’s incarnate.

Ryo merely extended his hand, “Cookie?” he asked with a grin, “You’re stuck with me all day Tomohisa.”

Yamapi let out a wail of anguish.

* * *

Somehow, after leaving the dining hall, Kazuya and Jin had ended up walking off in one direction together. Everybody had left in different directions, claiming they had something else to do. Kazuya had a sneaking suspicion it was all just excuses and that the main purpose was to leave Jin and himself alone together. This suspicion was further proven when Kusano gave him a wink and a grin as he left. Kazuya wished that he hadn’t done that, actually, because he knew that Jin must have seen it, and it left an awkward sort of feeling in the air.

“Sorry…about them…” Kazuya said quietly, playing with his sleeve. He knew that Jin hadn’t completely forgiven him – yet, he thought hopefully in his mind – so such an obvious attempt at matchmaking from his friends made him feel a tiny bit embarrassed.

“It’s okay” Jin said with an uncomfortable look, “My friends weren’t so innocent either” he said, glaring at the direction that their friends had left in.

“They’re more discreet though” Kazuya offered with a wry smile creeping across his lips, “With them, we only would have suspected what they were doing. Thanks to Notti, we now know.”

Jin cracked a genuine smile, “I guess.”

Kazuya couldn’t help but smile a bit more at that, relieved to see a smile directed at him after so long.

He then realized he was probably starting to stare and looked away quickly. After a few moments of walking in uncomfortable silence, he shifted uncomfortably.

“You know, if this is too awkward to do this right away…I can leave you alone…or…not talk…or…” Kazuya tried, floundering a bit with his words.

Jin had a surprised look on his face, which was then replaced by a grateful one. Kazuya felt his heart sink – he had been hoping Jin wouldn’t take him up on his offer to leave him alone.

“Nah”, Jin said causing Kazuya to blink, “I know…that it’s really awkward right now. I don’t know what to say to you or how to act around you, but there would be no point in me letting you stay if I just avoid you all the time; it’d be like you weren’t even here.”

Kazuya was startled when Jin put a hand on his shoulder, “And I can tell you’re trying to be careful so you don’t upset me, but you don’t have to do that. You know, after that second ball we had, when you told me I had to stop being afraid of scaring you away so that you could forgive me and learn to trust me; this is the same. I can’t forgive you and trust you again – or try to at any rate – if you’re acting like I’m made of glass and holding back on what you want to say and do” Jin finished, shooting what he hoped was a reassuring smile at Kazuya.

He was still hurt, that he was sure of, but his words to Kazuya earlier were something else he was sure of. He didn’t want the younger man out of life just like that. He wanted to at least try to forgive him, even if it would take time. However, he couldn’t forgive him if all he was shown was a Kazuya that held back everything he wanted to say or do because he was afraid Jin would get angry or it would hurt Jin.

It wouldn’t be the real Kazuya he was seeing; Jin wanted to be sure this time, that the one he was talking to, was the real Kazuya. So, they both had to act like themselves, or he would never be able to believe that.

The younger man blinked at him and then smiled a bit hesitantly, “Then…do you want to go into town? I want to look around…”

Jin nodded and they switched directions. As they walked, he could swear that the awkwardness that had settled over them was actually starting to drift away.

“By the way” he asked in honest curiosity and confusion, “Why is my best friend suddenly so clingy to your best friend?”

* * *

Yamapi inched away from Ryo, casting a wary look at the older man. Ryo promptly moved as well so that they were the same distance apart as before. Yamapi glared. Ryo smirked and waved. Yamapi let out a cry of frustration, hunched over and buried his head into his hands, “I hate you.”

“No you don’t”, Ryo grinned as he propped an elbow up on Yamapi’s shoulders, “How could you ever hate this sexiness and by default, me?”

“Oh, I can name a few ways.” Yamapi muttered darkly.

“I’m not listening~” Ryo said cheerfully as he clamped his hands over his ears, “Oh, what’s that, silence from you? I knew you couldn’t hate the sexiness that is me!”

“You have the mental age of a six year old.” Yamapi retorted.

“I do not!”

“Oh, so you hear that.” Yamapi rolled his eyes.

“Selective hearing.” Ryo said dismissively.

“Yes, that usually happens when you refuse to listen by covering your ears with your hands.” Yamapi replied dryly.

Ryo grinned, “Imagine that”, he said, “You learn something new every day.”

He flung an arm around Yamapi’s shoulders, causing the younger man to splutter and try to push him away, “Teach me more, Tomohisa!”

“Get off!”, was the shout he got in response.

* * *

“You’re kidding me.”

“I’m not.”

“You’re kidding me.”

“I’m not!” the whisper was repeated, more furiously this time.

“You’re kidding me.”

There was silence this time.

“Emphasis on the wrong word?” the first voice asked sheepishly.

Kazuya nodded in response to Jin’s question, trying to hide his smile at Jin’s slightly embarrassed expression. The two of them were crouching sitting on a couch; however, they were facing the wrong direction. They were sitting on their heels on the couch and looking over the back of the couch, which conveniently was at an angle in which they could hide behind the plotted plant next to the couch and not be seen, but could see across the lobby at the same time.

“But…” Jin pointed accusingly at the scene across the lobby, “Ryo’s being so clingy!”

“I know.” Kazuya nodded.

“They aren’t together?” Jin asked again, still pointing.

“Nope.” Kazuya blinked and then hissed a, “Duck!”

Both of their heads went down and after a few moments, Kazuya peeked over the back of the couch again. Jin’s head went up as well.

There was a moment of silence, in which Kazuya realized that they had been acting so friendly and so much like how they used to that he had instinctively grabbed Jin’s hand. He reluctantly but quickly drew it away, “Sorry.” He whispered. Wistfulness and regret tinted his voice.

Jin shifted uncomfortably but decided to ignore what had just happened. He concentrated on the two men across the lobby again.

“You’re kidding me.”

“I’m not!”

* * *

Tatsuya had to blink at the strange sight he came across. When he and the others had left Jin and Kazuya alone, he had expected to come back to find them staring awkwardly at each other, or one staring at the other and the other looking away, because of the incredibly uncomfortable feeling the two of them gave out whenever they were together.

However, he had to rub his eyes and look again when he saw the two of them crouched on a couch, peeking over the back.

“Junno, what are they doing?” he asked the taller man next to him.

The younger man shrugged, and then offered a tentative guess of, “Hiding? Spying?”

Tatsuya paused, “I think it’s more likely the second one…the question is, what are they spying on?”

The two ‘spies’ were peeking over the couch again. He followed the direction of their gazes and saw, with amusement, Ryo and Yamapi.

“What are you two doing?” he asked as he and Junno approached them from behind.

The two of them jumped and turned around, surprised and guilty expressions on their faces.

“Never mind, I know exactly what you’re doing.” Tatsuya shook his head, “Don’t you have anything better to do than to spy on Nishikido in denial?”

“But…” Jin pointed across the lobby, “He’s clingy!”

He exclaimed the last word as though it explained everything.

Kazuya smothered a laugh, “We just want to be there and witness a miracle that is either Pi realizing why Ryo is so clingy, or Ryo realizing why he himself is so clingy?” he offered.

Tatsuya shook his head, but smiled.

“What are you even doing here?” Jin asked indignantly, “I thought you two went into town.”

“We just wanted to check to make sure you were…you know, getting along.” Junno said with a bright smile. He blinked when he realized that at his words, an awkward silence hung over them as Kazuya looked sadly at Jin and Jin looked determinedly at the material of the couch, neither saying anything.

It seemed that all was not as well as it had seemed. As long as they could forget what had transpired between them, everything seemed fine; however, once their former relationship was mentioned, they remembered the feelings of hurt and guilt. But of course, that was to be expected. Although they were trying their best to get along, and so far it was working, hurt and distrust couldn’t be replaced so quickly. It would take time and a lot of effort on both their sides. The effort was clearly there, so now it was up to time.

Tatsuya sharply nudged Junno in the ribs, and he yelped a, “What?”

“Well, we’ll leave you two to your spying then.” Tatsuya said glaring pointedly at the taller man, as if daring him to protest, “Don’t get caught or Ryo will maim you Jin!”

“What did I do?” Junno whined as he rubbed his ribs.

Tatsuya opened his mouth to answer when he paused, coming across another strange sight. Peeking over the main desk in the lobby of the inn were two familiar heads and they were behaving in a way very similar to Jin and Kazuya just now. With a sigh, Tatsuya walked over, “What are you two doing?” he crossed his arms, looking down at a crouching Uchi and Kusano.

The two of them shifted guiltily.

Tatsuya sighed, “Let me guess, spying on Jin and…Kazuya?” he asked after making sure no nosy noblemen or random worker at the inn was lurking around when he said Kazuya’s name.

The two of them had clamped a hand over each other’s mouth to keep the other from saying anything.

“Never mind. Obviously you were.” He retorted, “Why are you spying on Jin and Kazuya?”

Uchi merely offered a very disarming and innocent smile in reply.

* * *

“How do I get caught up in these things?” Tatsuya chagrined. He sent a woeful look at Uchi, who simply smiled innocent – again. Tatsuya cursed Uchi’s power of being the youngest in the group of noble children; he was simply too used to giving into Uchi due to Uchi being much younger.

That, he convinced himself, was how he got caught up in this.

The fact that he had been teetering toward doing the exact same thing had nothing to do with it – nothing to do with it at all.

Tatsuya briefly wished that his inner voice could sound more convincing.

The four of them – Tatsuya, Junno, Uchi and Kusano – were peeking around the corner, having followed Jin and Kazuya, who were following Yamapi and Ryo.

“Why are we even doing this?” Junno whispered.

“Because.” Kusano answered, but not really elaborating why.

“Because what?” Junno pressed.

“I want to see if they’re getting along.” Uchi whispered into the conversation, “Don’t tell me you weren’t curious either.”

Tatsuya and Junno couldn’t really say that without lying, so the two of them exchanged looks and didn’t say anything.

“Ha! See!”

“Shh!” Kusano hissed, “Damn it, I can’t hear…”

“Let’s move closer?” Junno suggested. However, even as he suggested it, Jin and Kazuya, who had been talking in quiet tones, suddenly turned their heads and with wide eyes, stared at them.

“Damn. Busted.” Kusano muttered woefully.

* * *

Not for the first time, Kazuya felt as though he was being watched for some reason. He looked over at Jin, him being the only one around who was even aware that he was there, but the older man was definitely not the one staring at him. The older man was too engrossed in spying on Yamapi and Ryo. Well, he was trying to look engrossed. Kazuya knew better though; by spying on their friends, they had a common topic to talk about and something to do together, and it gave Jin an excuse to not notice Kazuya’s furtive looks at Jin.

Kazuya knew better than to think that just by a few decent conversations, that everything between Jin and himself would be resolved.

It wasn’t that easy, and it was clear that despite their efforts, it would take more time before they were even able to be comfortable around each other without awkward glances and uncomfortable silences. It was hard, very hard right now, but it was still better than Jin hating him.

The back of his neck prickled with the feeling of being watched again. Kazuya’s head turned, trying to find out why he was feeling that.

“What’s wrong?”

“I…feel like I’m being stared at.” Kazuya mumbled, shifting around to look around wildly.

Jin blinked as he looked around as well. It wasn’t long before the two of them, at the same time, spotted something strange in the distance behind them.

“Is it just me…or…is that Notti’s head…”

“And Junno’s…” Jin’s eyes narrowed as realization dawned on him. He abandonned all attempts to hide to spy on Ryo and Yamapi and marched over to the spying group in irritation and anger, “You were spying on us?!”

Junno gulped and backed away. Unfortunately, faced with Jin’s anger, he forgot that Tatsuya had been behind him, and he tripped backwards over Tatsuya’s leg, bringing the rest of the group down with him. They all landed on the floor with a loud crash.

That caught the attention of the previously oblivious Ryo and Yamapi.

The two of them looked in confusion at the group and then made their way over. Ryo had an amused eyebrow raised, and Yamapi was blinking a lot, as though not sure what to make of the scene in front of him.

“What’s going on?” Yamapi asked.

“Junno knocked us over.” Uchi groused, trying to get out from the tangle of limbs.

“Jin scared me!” Junno accused in his own defence.

“They were spying on us!” Jin bellowed. Kazuya was looking at Kusano with an ‘I should have guessed’ sort of face.

“Well you were spying on Ryo and Yamapi!” Uchi shot back.

“Shhh!” Jin hissed, but it was too late.

Ryo glared, “Spying on me?”

Jin gulped, “Well, you were being really clingy –”

“Three seconds.” Ryo said amazingly calmly.

“And Kazuya said that you weren’t really together even though you looked like you were and I was interested and –”

“Two seconds.”

“I mean, all the clinginess! It’s not like you – unless you’re trying to be annoying but you have no reason to annoy Yamashita and even if you did, you wouldn’t let it go this long so I wanted to see for myself and find out what was going on –” this was all said in one huge breath.

“One.”

Jin ran.

* * *

While Ryo was chasing Jin around the lobby, and while the others were watching in amusement as Jin jumped over couches and dodged people to escape Ryo, Yamapi rolled his eyes at the scene and then looked over at Kazuya, whose eyes were – predictably, in Yamapi’s opinion – centered on and following Jin.

“Are you sure you can do this?” Yamapi asked softly, knowing very well that Kusano was probably aware of the conversation, and would make sure no one could hear them if everyone decided to stop laughing at Jin and Ryo sometime soon.

Kazuya blinked in surprise, but then shot a brief smile at his best friend, “You worry too much, Pi.”

“It’s my job to worry.” Yamapi responded, and then he shook his head, “Are you sure you can do this? You know he hasn’t forgiven you completely; to him, you’re someone who hurt him, but you’re also someone he doesn’t want to go away. I know you too well, Kazu-chan; even though you didn’t admit it and you knew it wasn’t likely, deep, deep inside you were hoping that once he forgave you, even just a little like right now, everything would magically work out. But it didn’t. Right now, neither of you know what you are to him. Are you okay with that?”

Kazuya was glad that Yamapi had chosen a time when everyone was distracted to bring this up, because even as Yamapi asked him, and as he was prepared to assure the older man that of course he was fine, his voice caught in his throat.

“I…” He couldn’t continue his sentence, and Yamapi took a good, long look at him before he shot a look at Kusano, who had been watching out of the corner of his eye, and pulled Kazuya out of the lobby. It wasn’t until they were back in Kazuya’s room that the younger man let the tears spring to his eyes.

“I know it’s really hard.” Kazuya started between deep breaths, “I want to be back like how we used to be, when he could smile around me and not lose it a few seconds later. Even though he said we’d both try not to hold anything back, I have to hold things back, because I can’t take his hand like I used to, or just hug him because he’s standing next to me, like I want to do so much. I can tell…those smiles he’s giving me, are a bit planned, and a bit forced…the few times I surprised a true one out of him, he stopped smiling immediately because he thinks he’s giving me the wrong idea.” The last part was whispered with no little pain in Kazuya’s eyes.

Yamapi put an arm around Kazuya’s shoulder, “That’s why I’m asking this. This may be even harder than him hating you, because you have no idea where you stand this time…”

Kazuya gave him a half-smile, “No, I don’t. I know you’re worried, but I’m not going to give up after all that.”

“I’m just making sure.” Yamapi answered, “I kind of guessed you wouldn’t, but I have to ask." he offered a teasing smile at his best friend, "Because it's my job to worry about you first."

Kazuya nodded as he looked at Yamapi, “I don’t know where I stand with him, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know either. But I do know where he stands with me.” He said the last part with conviction, “As long as I know that little bit, I won’t give up on him and what we had together.”

He smiled hesitantly at Yamapi, “It’s more painful than I ever imagined, but…what’s the point of going through all we did when we were kids, to live, and then go through all this hurt and guilt the past few weeks, only to give up once things are looking up because it hurts more than I thought it would?” Kazuya said, “It’ll be worth it, I have to believe being patient will be worth it.”

Yamapi smiled at him, “Of course it will be…and you’ll have me and Notti and everyone else to rely on if you feel it’s getting too much and you need someone to talk to.” He muttered under his breath, “If I don’t go insane from the clingy monster first.”

Kazuya couldn’t help it; he laughed at that nickname Yamapi had coined for Ryo.

“Now, that’s what I like to see.” Yamapi grinned, “Let’s go before you’re missed.”

“And what about you?” Kazuya raised an eyebrow.

“I’d rather not be missed.” Yamapi shuddered, “The things I put up with for you.” He complained good-naturedly.

“Oh, you enjoy it.”

Yamapi spluttered, “I. Do. Not!”

Kazuya laughed as he opened the door and ran out, followed by his best friend. Once they were in the lobby again, they saw that Ryo had finally stopped trying to kill Jin.

“Tomohisa!”

Ryo grinned as he bounded over. Yamapi groaned.

“Hey.”

Kazuya looked away from the amusing scene of Yamapi trying to get away from Ryo, and saw Jin in front of him, “Hi.” He said just a bit hesitantly, “I see you lived.”

“I thought he may have dragged you into a lonely quiet corner and killed you with poison or something.” Jin remarked, obviously joking, but there was an underlying meaning in his words that perhaps he himself didn’t realize: I wondered where you were.

Kazuya smiled brightly, making Jin blink at him in confusion, “What? What did I say?”

“Nothing.” He said, but his smile only got wider.

There is hope, there’s no mistake about that. I just have to be patient.

---- END CHAPTER -----

And that's the end of the filler chapter =P Hope you all enjoyed it, and hope you understood the....portrayal of their relationship as it stands now that I tried to put across. I was trying to get across that it was awkward, they don't know how to act; Jin is still hurt and he doesn't know what Kazuya is to him right now, and Kazuya knows how Jin is feeling but doesn't want to push Jin into something he isn't sure of so all he can do it wait for Jin to figure it out for himself. And if anybody thinks they were acting too cutesy and friendly, well, i mentioned that they were trying VERY hard to get along, so that's the results of their efforts. And I also wanted to show that they aren't like, avoiding each other like the plague and at the very least, they're trying to make the most of the second chance they have. I hope all that i just explained was obvious to everyone -____-;;;

Hope everyone enjoyed it! See you next chapter! ^___^

Edit: Also, I have not checked for grammar/typos or anything like that. I'll do that when I wake up since it's already wayyyyy past my bedtime ><

why hello there ♥

Sun, 27 Sep 2009 16:22:39 GMT

This is...more like a warning, I guess? =P

For those who frequent my lj a lot, and for those who don't see everyone else's lj as their own layout, if you see my header change every time you go to a different page/fresh a page on my livejournal.... ~~it's not you, it's me ^_____^~~ it's because i discovered how to use a rotation header thingie a few weeks or so back and that's why it seems like i'm changing headers every five minutes or something XDDD

There's like, five headers in rotation right now; two are different colored versions of the same one -____-;;; so no, you're not seeing things or going crazy if you see that =P

Just thought I'd warn you ~~about my inability to decide on one thing and the ways i've discovered to remedy that situation that really isn't helping but making it worse 'cause it makes me less inclined to make a decision~~ XDDD

*runs back to pp and my essay* well, bye for now~~

♥

September 10 ♥ happy birthday uchi ♥

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 04:04:34 GMT

Picture below says it all ♥ ~~and it's exactly one minute past midnight for me as I post this =P~~

Wishing you a happy birthday, Uchi ♥

~~didn't have time to write a fic with school starting tomorrow/later today, so Uchi gets a birthday banner instead =P~~

[one-shot] I hope

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 02:46:24 GMT

Title: I Hope
Pairing: akame
Word count: 23 300
Rating: PG-13/ PG-15
Summary: Jin has made many mistakes, but the one he regrets the most is leaving Kazuya. Now, with a death in his family, Jin goes back to where it all started - and to a Kazuya who is determined to hate him...
Note: posted to vanilla_letters

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

NOTICE TO ALL READERS OF MY FICS ♥

Sat, 25 Jul 2009 08:04:56 GMT

There is a slight change in the way I'll post fics from now on. I've started a fic comm with crystal_ceres , and because of that, probably about half the time, my fics will be posted there instead. Drabbles will definitely be posted there, and as for other fics, it will depend on what I feel like doing at the moment. At the very least, I'll x-post there when I post here, so please go and watch the comm if you want to get an easy way to get fic updates from me ^____^ Because all there will be posted there, will be fics instead of the random graphic/meme/whatever else post I may have here.

And with that note...

vanilla_letters vanilla_letters vanilla_letters vanilla_letters vanilla_letters vanilla_letters vanilla_letters vanilla_letters vanilla_letters vanilla_letters vanilla_letters vanilla_letters vanilla_letters vanilla_letters

Please watch/join ♥

edit: I forgot to say. Membership is moderated, but join anyways if you want to =P You won't get rejected, I promise ♥

{drabbles} Random Word Drabbles

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 19:12:44 GMT

So, I wrote 8 drabbles. ~~because I didn't feel up to writing 2 more to make it an even 10.~~ This is practice for present-tense style of writing, because I basically never write present tense. So basically, I'm bad at it, so this is practice and I'd appreciate input if anyone actually reads these ^^

These 8 drabbles include: Ryokame, Pikame, Akame, (RyoUchiKame...I think?)

---

Enjoy?~~

01. Amnesty (Pikame):

It isn’t anything special when the room tenses the moment he walks in. It isn’t anything special when that awkward silence hangs in the air, or when everyone’s gaze collectively either shifts away from him or towards him. It isn’t anything special when he begins to feel cold and unwanted, lost in a room of people who he cares about, who want nothing to do with him.

It isn’t anything special when he feels the cold feeling grow with each step he takes in the room, making his way towards the bag he’d forgotten in the room.

It isn’t anything special, either, when he accidentally looks into his eyes and sees nothing but anger, betrayal and a wish for him to just leave.

It isn’t anything special, but it does make him flinch like he’s been struck.

It isn’t anything special that the quiet whisper of ‘sorry’ that echoes from his mouth sounds just as reluctant as it had seconds before in his mind. The way their forced uncaring gazes look at him isn’t anything special either, but it does make him wince as he flees the room.

It isn’t anything special to find a worried and reassuring smile waiting for him when he leaves the room, or when a hand takes his arm and leads him away.

What is special is the way the taller body embraces him, as their lips meld together, furiously taking the cold and sadness away. What is special is how the ache in his heart from that one meeting can be erased with softly murmured words between kisses.

What is special is that he doesn’t want forgiveness for something he doesn’t regret and this – the unspoken feelings between them that the other is only too aware of, the moments when everything in the world disappears around them, the understanding – is something he won’t ever regret.

Shuji to Akira is special.

02. Vandalism (Ryokame):

Enraged screams wake him up from his nap. His eyes fluttering open tiredly, he blinks across the room at where the older man is raging loudly. As nothing seems to be broken or bleeding, sleep takes back its priority in his mind and he closes his eyes, letting out a soft groan as he does.

The sound is enough to make the older man storm over to where he is, “Kame”

The other shakes him.

He rolls on his side, so that his back is facing the man, “Sleep” he murmurs, although he has a feeling it ends up sounding more like a mutated mix of “shut up” and “purple dinosaur”. He isn’t quite sure where the second one comes from, but he’s sure there’s a reasonable explanation somewhere in the back of his mind; he’ll figure it out when he wakes up. He had wasted a good fifteen minutes of his break fighting with the older man over the couch before they had finally decided to share it, so he’s going to get as much sleep as possible right now.

“Kamenashi”

“Sleep” he mutters again, but doesn’t protest to the hands turning him back around.

“I’ll let you sleep all you want after you fix me!”

The words sound strangely desperate for help, even in his sleep-hazed mind. He grudgingly opens his eyes, giving the older man a Look, both for waking him up and for him and his shoulder leaving their posts as Kame’s pillow. This is the last time Kame gives up a fight over the only couch pillow in return for being able to use Ryo as a pillow, and after all he’d done to blackmail Ryo into agreeing to be his pillow too.

He’s sure that’s why he’s seeing what he’s seeing. The lack of a Ryo pillow is making him hallucinate.

“Kame” Ryo tries not to whine, he really does, but he can’t help it when all Kame does is look at him like he’s suddenly dressed in tights and a tutu. He isn’t, but what he is, is just as bad.

KAME, the giant letters written on Ryo’s cheeks spell, and Kame’s lips twitch just a little. Ryo growls at him and then, proceeds to unbutton his shirt to reveal more writing.

Meeting with the manager has been rescheduled. You can leave whenever you wake up.

P.S. We couldn’t find paper.

“Uh…” is all Kame can say, because it seems as though Jin (and judging from the note, the rest of the band) had deemed Ryo an acceptable substitute for paper and had taken advantage of the formerly sleeping man to leave a message.

“I’ve been vandalized!” Ryo says in disgust and glares at him, “This is all your fault”

Seeing the huge letters written with what seems to be eyeliner on Ryo’s cheeks, spelling out his name, Kame can’t help but think that Ryo is just a little right this time.

03. Ante (pikame)

It’s during a break on a Tuesday that Yamapi wanders into KAT-TUN’s break room, and comes upon a strange sight. He blinks, wondering if he should step in, when he sees Kame and Jin staring at each other determinedly from opposite sides of a mess of playing cards. The rest of KAT-TUN are sitting on various chairs around the room, looking awkwardly at the two who are taking this game a little far.

Yamapi watches as Jin and Kame stare heatedly at each other.

“Are you going to up your ante?” Kame asks, a smirk crossing his face.

Jin scowls at him and plunks a few coins in the little pile gathering to the side.

“They’re betting?” Yamapi asks incredulously, “But –”

“Trust me” Nakamaru interrupts, “This is just the beginning”

Kame looks down at the pile of coins and then he digs into his bag and pulls out a shiny bracelet.

“Really!” Yamapi can’t help but shout incredulously, waving his arms, “It’s just a game!”

“Oh, he won’t really lose the bracelet. It’s just to get the ante up enough to –”

Jin snarls as he slams a piece of paper on the floor and Yamapi blinks, “What is that?”

Kame smirks and follows with his own slip of paper.

“The result of the rest of us losing previous rounds” Koki says with a heavy sigh.

Jin slams another paper down and Yamapi can’t help but think that that piece of paper looks oddly familiar and –

He runs forward, snatching the paper from the pile and stares at Jin incredulously. It’s weeks old, rumpled, and a bit stained, but he still recognizes his own handwriting.

I, Yamashita Tomohisa, owe you, Akanishi Jin, a dinner at a reasonably nice restaurant due to the fact that I have forgotten my wallet this time and have made you pay for me, it said, as instructed by Jin to write it that way.

Yamapi blanched, “You’re betting me away for a game of Go Fish?!!!!”

When Jin ignores him in favour of glaring at Kame, Yamapi trudges back over to Koki and Nakamaru and gives them sullen looks.

“It’s okay” Koki says, pointing to one of the papers Kame had contributed with, “I have to clean Ka – the winner’s apartment later on”

“You all lost?” Yamapi asks and then he begins to think that maybe it’s not all bad if everyone else lost and Jin didn’t – not that he has anything against Kame, but it’s the principle of being gambled away. But if everyone else lost, that means that maybe, just maybe, Jin isn’t that bad at this game.

He says this out loud and to his panic, Nakamaru and Koki start snickering, followed by Junno and then Ueda, until all losing members of KAT-TUN are laughing in his face.

He shifts nervously.

When Ueda, the first to calm down, explains that Jin didn’t join the game until very late, after Kame had beaten Koki, and had thrown a temper tantrum until Kame got so annoyed he agreed to a game, Yamapi sighs and begins to feel resigned; the tone in Ueda’s voice speaks volumes for what he thinks of Jin’s Go Fish skills.

It is to no surprise to him when, a week later, he is in his room, looking in the mirror and getting ready for dinner with Kame.

04. Thump (RyoUchiKame?)

A loud screech piercing the air is the first sign to Kame that he’s about to be roped into something either incredibly annoying or incredibly stupid. Jin rushes into the room, eyes wide. Kame hits his head against the wall when he hears the word ‘ghost!’ come out of Jin’s mouth.

“Ghosts don’t exist” he says as calmly as possible. It obviously isn’t enough that the entire building is in darkness due to a blackout, but Jin just has to add to the panic with wild ghost stories as well.

“They do too!” Jin argues back and then he scowls when he realizes Kame’s not going to get into another one of those arguments with him. He points at the door, “Fine. You go through the dark halls and find out why I keep hearing weird noises”

Thump.

“Like that one” Jin adds with a smirk.

Kame rolls his eyes and leaves the room, grabbing the candle in the room on the way out. He’s robbing everyone else of light, but he doesn’t quite trust Jin in the room with a candle.

Everyone else seems to be thinking something along those lines, because as Kame starts down the hallway, the only protests he hears are Jin’s.

Thump.

The sounds are getting louder, which means he’s getting closer, and Kame sighs as he continues. As he gets even further down the hall, he can hear the sound of voices and he blinks as an extremely loud thump reaches his ears from around the corner.

He goes to check and finds Uchi and Ryo sprawled on the ground, Uchi looking resigned and Ryo looking annoyed. They look up when they see the glow of light. Kame bends down, the light illuminating reddened arms and foreheads.

“I can’t wait to tell Jin that his ghosts were you two bumping into each other and the walls in the dark because you couldn’t see a thing”

05. Fester (akame)

He knows that goodbyes are a part of life, are a part of growing up. The older you get, the easier it gets to understand why someone has to leave, but also the harder it is to say it. He knows that he’s probably just being a little silly, that it’s just one word and it’s not like he won’t see him again, but he can’t help it.

Bags are packed and lined up at his feet, with all the things Jin has ever left or stored in his apartment, and Kame can only stand there, staring at the bags.

“Well…” Jin tries to say, awkwardly, but Kame doesn’t look up. He refuses to look up, even though this might be the last time he’ll see Jin in his living room like this.

Jin doesn’t try to say anything more; he just lifts the bags up and exits out the open door.

The moment the door closes, the word tumbles out of Kame’s mouth just as a wave of sadness and hurt hits him, “Goodbye”

Just like how he knows goodbyes are a part of life, Kame also knows that this hurt will never go away. He knows that there is no way he’ll be able to stop the resentment that will grow inside of him at the word, like a festering wound, that will only get worse and worse.

Kame knows that he really hates goodbyes.

06. Glimpse (akameryo)

One day, Kame sees into the future. There is no crystal ball in front of him, no super powers that give him the ability to read what the future has in store; there is nothing special to the naked eye about what he sees, but Kame still gets to see the future.

He sees tender embraces, old familiarity and laughter; he sees how warm familiarity and tenderness quickly turn into routine and procedure, how vases break against walls, words are shouted and he sees a mess of tears and anger that is quickly forgiven in place of pleading and eventual heartbreak.

He doesn’t want to see anymore, but he knows he has to see, because he has to see what his decisions will leave behind. He has to see how he isn’t happy, not the way things are now; he isn’t happy that things are already starting to look like the future – how tender embraces have turned into nothing but simple procedure. He knows he will only leave behind guilt and heartbreak, but he leaves anyways.

He knows where he’s going but he doesn’t know if he’ll be happier there; there, the future is unpredictable, there is no routine and he doesn’t stay up late at night wondering what he’s doing there. Each day is fresh, bright and full of new discoveries. Each day is full of conversations that lead to knowing more and more about each other, and each day is full of warm kisses instead of cold embraces; each day is full of Ryo, Ryo, Ryo.

07. Bruise (ryokame)

The first time Kame realizes what being in a relationship with Ryo means, is when he comes home from work one day and between warm kisses and possessive arms around his waist, he hears a hiss of anger. He’s confused and doesn’t know where that came from, and wraps his arms around Ryo’s neck, trying to draw him closer.

Ryo just pushes him away though, and before long, Kame finds himself stumbling against the couch, and a hand is unbuttoning his shirt and pulling it off Kame. His mind is a haze and he doesn’t realize what’s going on until he sees what Ryo had seen – a large bruise on below his collarbone.

“How’d that happen?” Ryo all but yells, angrily, running his thumb over the bruise as though doing that will make the bruise disappear.

Kame only shrugs; he honestly doesn’t remember. Perhaps he bumped into something earlier and hadn’t realized how hard it had hit him, or perhaps it was from goofing around with Koki and Maru earlier. He distinctly remembers Koki trying to put him in a pretend sleeper hold earlier while they laughed about it. That’s probably where it came from.

“It was an accident”

“Was it really?” Ryo replies just as quickly, his voice hard and his eyes still fixated on the bruise.

“Yes” Kame says surprised, “Ryo, you don’t really think someone did this to me on purpose?”

The question makes Ryo look up, startled and then he shakes his head, but the frown is still on his face, “You never know…” he mutters darkly. His fingers are still running over the bruise, concern evident in the way he softly touches the bruise, as though he’s wishing that it’ll magically disappear in front of his eyes.

And it’s in this moment that Kame first realizes how important he is to Ryo, for him to get this angry and suspicious over a little bruise, and it’s in this moment that Kame realizes exactly how important Ryo is to him, because he doesn’t get annoyed, or angry, that Ryo is treating him like he’s easy to break.

Kame realizes that he can’t get angry, because Ryo is just treating him like he’s precious.

So instead, Kame leans in and kisses Ryo.

08. Mutiny (Ryokame….and Jin, I suppose…)

Kame briefly wonders how the hell it came to this, but he has a feeling he’s about to find out whether he really wants the answers or not.

“There, there” the bland reassurance comes from his mouth, because there is no way he can sound sincere when a) the man wailing so melodramatically is both older and taller than him, and b) the reason he is creating all this noise for. Namely, the small child toddling after Ryo in the kitchen.

“There, there” he repeats, trying to sound more comforting when Jin lets out another sound that sounds like a cross between a sob and a whine.

“I was the favourite!” Jin, apparently, has rightly decided that a whine is manlier than a sob. Not by much, but still manlier.

“I’m sure you were” he tries hard not to glance over in the kitchen, where he sees Ryo handing Kame’s niece her little sippy cup and generally being sane and not having a temper tantrum like Jin is. Glancing over is simply too much torture because he knows he can’t just run over until Jin is through with his temper tantrum, even though he dearly wants to.

“She smiled at me all those other times when I made faces at her, and played with her!” Jin continues, voice getting higher and higher, showing how speaking of this agitates him.

“Of course” Kame said absently, taking discreet peeks into the kitchen, where his niece is now drinking from her cup with one little hand and her arm is hugging Ryo’s leg tightly.

“And then, stupid Ryo comes along” Jin spits out Ryo’s name the way one would spit out a murderer’s name.

“Yeah, Ryo is really stupid” Kame says distractedly, realizing that Jin isn’t even looking at him, and stops hiding the glances he sneaks into the kitchen. He watches as Ryo carefully moves around the kitchen in an attempt to make a snack, Kame’s niece holding onto Ryo’s pant leg and toddling after Ryo.

“He was only supposed to make sure I didn’t burn anything down!” Jin whines, “Remember Kame? You said ‘Fine, I’ll let Jin baby-sit instead. Ryo, make sure he doesn’t burn anything down, and if he does burn my apartment down, save my niece and yourself first’ “

Kame remembers. Of course he does. It was only yesterday. This babysitting thing is really giving him a headache – he should have known the moment he revealed that he’s taking care of his niece while the rest of the family is on vacation, the rest of KAT-TUN and half of NEWS would swarm him and make a general fuss about helping to baby-sit. Kame, out of the mere fact that he knows Jin could give him the biggest headache, had sighed and consented to Jin babysitting, but only if Ryo was there to supervise, because Ryo seems to be the only one whom Jin’s random bouts of idiocy have no effect on.

Kame sighs and pats Jin’s shoulder consolingly, looking longingly at the kitchen, where Ryo is now sitting on his heels and handing a peanut butter sandwich, no crusts, to the child, who is beaming up at Ryo.

“But then – then, he got that stupid smirk on his face when I told him that it’s not like he could do any better at entertaining her and then he said that he definitely could and told me to get her milk or something. And when I came back….this –” Jin screeches hysterically, “Kame” he whines, “Ryo’s mutinied her against me! I’m no longer the favourite!”

Kame considers telling Jin that he can’t possibly be a favourite yet, because she only actually spent time with Jin two days ago, when Kame realized that she didn’t have daycare on Fridays and thus, he had to bring her to work. Jin had spent a whole fifteen minutes making faces at Kame’s niece until he got bored, found Pi and after that, NEWS had invaded the room. If she had managed to remember Jin out of all the people who had been crowding around her, trying to get her to smile and laugh, Kame would be amazed. Especially since, at the time, she seemed more like she was overwhelmed than happy, that so many people were crowding around her.

To his relief, Jin buries his head in his arms and begins to moan about annoying friends taking away his role as the favourite babysitter. Kame pats Jin’s arms awkwardly, not sure if he should tell Jin that if any of his friends are actually favourites, it’d be Ryo, because Ryo has been helping him with his niece for the past week, and for some reason, the two of them seem to have developed a friendship, or understanding, of some sort. Kame is slightly perplexed by that as well, especially when the two of them will randomly turn and stare at him for a while. Then, they’ll grin at each other and his niece will giggle, while Ryo smirks. Like now.

“There, there” Kame repeats as he follows Jin to the front door, “It’s okay. I’m sure you can get other children not poisoned by Ryo’s uh….mutinying, to like you the best” he says consolingly, hoping he isn’t unleashing a terrible monster on the children in the park. He isn’t sure how he’d explain to everyone why Jin has made it his goal to stalk a child from the park to become his or her favourite babysitter, just to shove it in Ryo’s face. He’s sure that’s the reason; it’s merely the fact that he lost to Ryo that’s making Jin so upset.

When Jin is finally gone, Kame sighs in relief and turns to the kitchen, only to find the pair he’d been watching gone, and he goes in search for them. He finds them in the living room, playing with his niece’s toys, and he groans as he trudges to the couch, “Taking a nap. Jin too stressful. Don’t wake me” he mutters to Ryo, who nods.

Sleep comes easily as he listens to the sound of childish giggling and Ryo’s laughter, and his eyes close, growing heavier and heavier and…

“Shh, your uncle’s asleep”

The sound of a block being placed on top of another and childish words that he can’t make sense of; they’ve become too quiet and his mind is too tired to decipher the cutely said words.

Another block is added.

“Yeah, I like your uncle too”

--- END DRABBLES ---

Well, I'm done *runs away*

Also, thank you isa ♥ for looking over it for me ~~aka making sure I didn't make any terrible mistakes in the tenses and giving me suggestions to make certain things sound better~~; thank you SO much Isa! <3

...

...

...

....p.s. I am sticking to past tense from now on =P ~~Or I'll practice a lot and make myself better at this present tense thing.~~ Present-tense requires too much thinking DDDX

The Pauper Prince[ss] - Chapter 30

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 01:43:42 GMT

The Pauper Prince[ss] - Chapter 30

Pairing: Akame
Rating: pg-13
Summary: To end the war that has desecrated the lives of the people between two kingdoms, an alliance in the form of an arranged marriage has been made between the two royal families. however, when the princess runs away to avoid being married, the unwilling look-a-like pauper, Kamenashi Kazuya, somehow finds himself brought in to play the part of the princess and deceive Prince Jin. But Kazuya never expected to fall in love...

So I have finally decided to update, it seems =P I'm glad there hasn't been a huge number of pokes XDDD Well, this chapter is REALLY long. The longest PP chapter yet; it took THREE posts to fit it in, because the size exceeded lj's posting limit XDDD So hopefully you'll forgive me for taking so long due to the size *puppy eyes*; please? =P Happy things happen at the end of this chapter? =P

Oh, and I'd like to thank pinkeuphoria1 for lol, generally putting up with me XDD She was really patient with my random bouts of insecurity while writing this chapter and even read over a lot of the scenes for me to make sure the ideas and conversations were okay and all that =P thank you so much Isa ♥ ilu.

Also, if anyone is interested. The total length of this chapter =P 13 612 words, and 20 pages. That is why I needed three posts to get this up XDDD

So, enjoy the chapter~

--- CHAPTER 30 ----

The dark cloth blended in with the dark shadows in the hall, hiding him perfectly. Moving down the hall, trying to be as quiet as he could, he inched forward, shooting wary glances around him – just in case. He winced when the pendant and the chain that held the pendant around his neck scraped against each other as he moved. It created a distinct sound that made not only him, but the two companions he was with, wince. He could feel their glares on him even in the dark and even though he knew they couldn’t see him, he mouthed a ‘sorry’ and began to move forward again, completely assured that no one had been near enough to hear that noise.

Or so he thought.

Yamapi let out a yelp when a hand clamped over his mouth and he was pulled backwards against someone. A strong arm wrapped around his waist, keeping him from breaking away. The noise made the other two tense and then they let out shouts when light suddenly breached the darkness of the hallway.

“Ha, so you were right” Uchi remarked calmly as he shone a mini flashlight at Koki’s and Maru’s faces. Guilty faces.

Ryo, who had been the one to grab Yamapi, smirked at his best friend, “Of course I was”

“I forgive you for waking me up at one in the morning then”

“Thank you” Ryo said solemnly, but with an amused grin on his face as he moved his head forward, over Yamapi’s shoulder, to look at Yamapi who was glaring back at him from the corner of his eye. The younger man struggled against the hand on his mouth and Ryo raised an eyebrow before taking his hand off.

“What the hell Nishikido?!” Yamapi scowled, now struggling to get away from Ryo who was still trapping Yamapi against himself, “Let me go! What the hell?!”

“Sorry, can’t do that” Ryo said with a definite smirk, “You, are coming back with us”

“What are you, hallway patrol?!” Yamapi raged. Koki and Maru shot the two North Kingdom nobles venomous looks.

“Technically, you could say that…” Uchi mused.

“Huh?” Maru echoed, “What are you two talking about?”

“Well, we’ve been enlisted” Uchi explained.

“…enlisted as what exactly?”

“Well, our job is to keep you from doing this kind of thing – trying to sneak out in the middle of the night to ‘talk’ some sense into the prince” Uchi said and then shot a look at Ryo, “Well, I was enlisted. Ryo just thought it’d be fun and tagged along”

Ryo blanched, “I did not!”

“I believe your words were ‘does this mean I get to sneak up on Tomohisa?’”

“I knew it, you live to torture me” Yamapi complained, “Let go”

Ryo merely smirked, “No” as he tugged on the band that had tied Yamapi’s hair back, “Really, did you think that keeping your hair back would have kept you from being found?”

“I figured it’d be really bad if I had to hide, hair got into my face somehow and I had to sneeze” Yamapi sulked, “Who gave you this ‘job’ anyways?” he demanded, shooting a scalding look at Ryo, whose smirk merely widened and he tugged on the band again. The band left Yamapi’s hair with Ryo’s fingers and the younger man shot a glare at Ryo as he felt the familiar tingle of hair fall on his neck.

“Your friend, Tegoshi” Ryo answered, as he grinned in accomplishment, “He was certain you’d try something like this, and enlisted our help”

“My and Notti’s help” Uchi countered, “Like I said, you just had a burning desire to be helpful for some reason” he paused, looking at the position Ryo was in as he kept Yamapi trapped against him, “I don’t even need to wonder why too, you’re so obvious Ryo-chan”

When he got a smirk hiding his confusion from Ryo, and a simply confused look from Yamapi, Uchi shook his head with a grin, “Never mind. You’re just dense”

“Hey!”

“Tegoshi?!” Koki cried, getting back to the topic, “He’s the mastermind behind stopping us from our brilliant plan?!”

“I wouldn’t call sneaking into the prince’s room to put itching powder in his clothes for making Kazuya cry a ‘brilliant plan’” Ryo remarked.

“Hey!” Koki protested, as he was the one to think of the idea.

“Besides, didn’t Tegoshi already stop you from doing something like this once?” Uchi asked incredulously.

“Logic must go out the window when he’s not around to explain it” Ryo retorted, “Now, back to your rooms, all of you” he paused, “Scratch that. Back to Kazuya’s room so we can barricade you all inside”

Yamapi sighed, “If I go willingly, will you let go?”

Ryo paused, “Will you call me Ryo?”

“No”

“No then”

“I hate you”

“I’m sure it’s a love-hate sort of thing”

“I hate you” Yamapi repeated as Ryo’s arm moved away from his waist and his hand clutched his upper arm. To his chagrin, at those words, Ryo just grinned.

Uchi looked with a raised eyebrow at Koki and Maru and with a simple, “I can always call for Notti to wake up Kazuya or Tegoshi”, he sent them following with sullen looks.

* * *

He heard the sound of a foot tapping the moment he walked into his room. Tsubasa tried not to look guilty as he glanced at Tackey, who had an eyebrow quirked and looking at him. He tried, but it clearly didn’t work.

“You were supposed to be resting” Tackey commented aloud.

Tsubasa offered what he hoped to be a charming smile at his captain, “I had something I had to do”

“Your majesty, you were recommended by the doctor to get some sleep” Tackey returned, “I don’t even want to think about what might happen if you had collapsed or something”

“I didn’t” Tsubasa said just a bit defensively. As always, despite their ranks, Tackey was always the one who could make him feel guilty. Even before Tackey had attained the rank he had now, he had the ability to make Tsubasa feel like he had to explain himself to Tackey. It had been Tackey who had kept him grounded when he had ascended the throne at a young age, Tackey who he listened to out of all the people in his court.

“It was important and I didn’t feel that exhausted. I came back right away didn’t I?” Tsubasa asked with a smile, knowing that Tackey was simply concerned.

Tackey shook his head as he went back to the maps he had spread out on the table in the middle of the room. Then, as Tsubasa began to move from the door, he looked up and with one pointed look at the bed in the corner, Tackey went back to the maps again, making marks as he did.

Tsubasa sighed, taking the hint as he went over to lie on the neatly made bed. He didn’t bother lifting the covers, and just lying on his side, figuring that nobody would care if his clothes were a bit rumpled from sleep, simply closed his eyes. He couldn’t complain much about Tackey’s worrying. He had hid it very well but Tackey, as always, had seen through it. He was, simply put, exhausted. He was worried, and trying to think of something, anything, that would make everything all better and not so…desperate.

“What did the prince have to say?” Tackey’s voice interrupted his thoughts and he cracked an eye open to glance at Tackey, who was looking intently at him.

“I thought you wanted me to sleep”

“I know you too well. You won’t fall sleep until you let it all out”

Tsubasa sighed as he closed his eyes again. Exhaustion made him keep his eyes shut as he began to talk.

“He’s hurt” he muttered, “And he doesn’t think he should trust in Kazuya again, because he might be hurt again. I can’t blame him much – it would hurt a lot to know that someone you loved had been lying to you”

“And? I doubt you left it at that”

“I told him that trust can be built up again, even if it’s been knocked down before. And then I told him to think about it – to think about what would make him happy and regret less in the future, instead of what would make everything hurt less in the end. He asked me why I was encouraging this relationship”

Tackey chuckled, “What an expression the prince must have had – he’s probably completely bewildered that his future father-in-law is encouraging him to start a relationship with someone not his fiancée” he paused, “So why are you?”

“You’re asking a rhetorical question, Tackey” Tsubasa turned his head so that his cheek was pressing against the soft pillow, “You already know the answer to that”

“I just want to hear it from your own mouth” Tackey’s voice drifted into Tsubasa’s ears. He could feel movement at the edge of the bed and knew that Tackey must have moved from his position at the table.

Tsubasa didn’t speak for a long time – in fact, for a brief moment, Tackey almost thought that he had simply fallen asleep. He stood up with a sigh.

“He reminds me of you” the quietly mumbled answer from the King made Tackey freeze in his movement, “Kazuya I mean. And I know how Tomohisa must be feeling – unable to help him; unable to make him happy. That’s why I want things to work out in terms of their happiness. Because of a stupid war, their lives were destroyed and this is all I can do to make it up to them…”

“The war wasn’t your fault” Tackey said sharply.

“No?” Tsubasa let a soft chuckle escape his lips, “Then why does it feel like it was?”

* * *

“Operation Get-The-Prince-To-See-The-Light is all set and ready to go!”

The exclamation created a scoffing noise from the sullen man sitting in the corner. A head turned toward him and then turned to the man next to him.

“Agent Nishikido, control your captive. He is being…derisive” Kusano said with a mock pompous air as he pointed at Yamapi, who had been the one to make the noise. From his position next to Yamapi, Ryo held in his laughter as he grinned and called out an “Aye-aye” to Kusano who was perhaps enjoying his role as taskmaster of this operation a bit too much.

“Oh, sure, you can go make plans to make the idiot prince forgive Kazuya, but I can’t?” Yamapi muttered grumpily, his arms crossed.

“Well” Ryo said with an amused grin, “There’s a difference when it’s itching powder or…an actual plan”

“Itching powder was an actual plan!” Yamapi declared defensively, “Do you know how long we discussed the idea until we finally set out to do it?”

“…please tell me you didn’t spend longer than ten seconds thinking up the idea”

Yamapi sulked, “Does it count if it took two hours to convince Koki that we shouldn’t somehow find a way to turn poison ivy into a powder and put that in the prince’s pants or something?”

Ryo hit his forehead with his palm, “You guys are hopeless”

“Does that mean you’ll stop hanging off of me?” Yamapi asked hopefully, perking up.

“Are you going to call me Ryo?”

“No”

“Then no” Ryo grinned at the look on Yamapi’s face, “And speaking of hanging off…”

Yamapi softly hit the back of his head against the wall in irritation.

“Agent Nishikido! What are you doing?”

“Sitting on the captive’s legs to control the captive…” he paused as he began trailing his fingers along Yamapi’s hands and wrists, “And making sure the good old fashioned way to bind hands with a rag isn’t failing”

“Oh. Carry on then”

“He’s getting into this role a bit too much” Yamapi glared at his friend.

“That’s because he doesn’t actually have to do much work in his role in the plan” Ryo stated calmly.

“Of course, that just figures – and stop that!” Yamapi wrenched his bound wrists away from Ryo’s fingers, “Just untie me”

“Sorry. Can’t do that” Ryo grinned, “According to Kusano, you are a danger to the plan and you must be watched and restrained at all times”

“How am I a danger?!”

“You could go to Kazuya” Ryo said with a shrug, “So, I get to contain you!” he said almost happily.

“Why do I get the feeling you volunteered for this?”

“Because he did!” came the shout from Uchi across the room. Ryo swiveled his head to level a half-hearted glare at his best friend.

Yamapi took that moment to squirm, trying to get Ryo off him. Ryo’s head shot back around with a wicked grin. Yamapi groaned as Ryo moved so that he was sitting on Yamapi’s lap, and his legs were splayed over Yamapi’s, keeping him from moving anything but his arms and anything above his upper torso.

“I hate you”

“You tried to escape”

“I won’t go to Kazuya”

“And you expect me to believe that” Ryo scoffed, “I’m not the one who goes off armed with itching powder you know”

Silence.

“You really thought I’d believe that!” Ryo accused indignantly.

There was a cough from behind them, and Ryo twisted back around with a scowl on his face to look at Kusano and Uchi.

“We’re starting the plan” Kusano said, apparently having finally gotten bored of the ‘commander’ act and dropped the titles as well as the voice – for now, at least.

“Don’t worry; I’ll keep all captives contained and in this room” Ryo said cheerfully, watching as both Kusano and Uchi left the room.

They had the first part of the operation.

Ryo’s eyes darkened for a few moments, a look that made Yamapi stop struggling.

In all honesty, Ryo thought that this first part was the hardest part – because he couldn’t help, not really. It was all up to Uchi and Uchi being strong enough to tell yet another person about what happened when he was kidnapped, so that Jin could understand, really understand, why Ryo had ‘turned on him’, like Jin had described in his anger. It might not work, but Jin needed to listen to someone besides his own conflicting thoughts and emotions. And unfortunately, the only person that could talk some sense into Jin, was the one Jin was mad at; namely, Ryo.

“Do you think this’ll work?” Yamapi’s voice cut through Ryo’s thoughts.

The older man stiffened and then sighed, “It’ll be hard on Hiroki; I mean, we’ve spent so long avoiding the topic entirely, and I don’t think Hiroki has ever seen Jin as someone he could talk to about his demons like this, so for Jin to listen and for Hiroki to say it, it’ll be hard…but he volunteered, and I can’t stop him…”

Yamapi raised a disbelieving eyebrow.

“Or more like, if I try to, he’ll be angry at me for still trying to protect him from his own memories”

Yamapi gave a small smile, “It’s so hard when protecting them from everything dark and remotely harmful in the world no longer keeps them happy” he mused, “After the diving tower incident, and…so many other incidents in our lives and even just these past few weeks, I just wanted to whisk him back home and keep him there, protected, and back then, it wasn’t complicated – I could protect him and he’d be happy, but now…it is complicated; keeping him protected won’t make him happy anymore. That’s how you feel now right?”

Ryo was quiet for a few moments; as his fingers played with the rag keeping Yamapi freeing his wrists, he pulled on the rag, loosening it, “Yeah”

* * *

Reio had become increasingly frustrated. He knew that there was something going on; he knew that it had to do with his brother and Kazumi; he knew that whatever it was had every one of his friends tense and on the edge. Yet, no one had bothered to inform him of the situation. Jin hadn’t exactly been easy to talk to lately, so he had avoided confronting his brother about it, and Tatsuya, whenever he was out of his room, was either with Junno and obviously did not want to be disturbed, or he was with Jin, talking to him in a low voice. And for some reason, he hadn’t seen Uchi or Ryo around lately.

Glaring in a manner not unlike his brother when he was frustrated with something, he crumpled up the papers he had been scribbling on and threw them in the direction of the trash can.

Then he stood up and taking a deep breath to calm the irritable feeling that had festered in him, he left the room, intent on getting something cold to drink.

It was then that he came upon a sight that made him blink. He froze where he was for a few moments before he inched his body back around the corner, hiding himself.

He had a feeling he shouldn’t be listening to this, that it was private.

But as his brother, Uchi and a strange man Reio had never seen before moved out of the foyer of the inn and down a hall, his curiosity wouldn’t let him do anything but follow. He watched as they disappeared into a sitting room and then, disappeared into a smaller room connected to the sitting room. They obviously wanted total privacy without chances of being overheard, and they would have gotten it…if Reio hadn’t spotted them and followed. When he was in front of the door, he could hear the click of a lock and, despite his own mind telling him that he shouldn’t be eavesdropping, he leaned against the door, listening to the soft, muffled voices that he could hear from having his ear so close to the door.

* * *

Jin crossed his arms, “What is it?” he asked, trying not to sound hostile, but not really managing it. He had barricaded himself in his room until Uchi had come knocking with the stranger he had seen with both Yamashita and Kamenashi. They both wore serious expressions on their faces, and that was Jin’s first warning as he quickly tried to shut the door on them.

It had almost worked, if not for the fact that Uchi had, instead, gone to Tatsuya and the older man had dragged Jin out of his room and to the foyer where Uchi had been waiting. Jin scowled at the memory; he had been perfectly happy in his room, where he had decided to stay until everything had blown over, and he wouldn’t have to face anybody that would remind him of everything that had transpired.

Namely, everyone from the South Kingdom.

“I wanted to talk to you” Uchi explained.

“That was obvious” Jin grumbled, “If you’re here to try some attempt to get me to give Kamenashi another chance, it’s not happening” he didn’t bother hiding the twist of his face as memories of hurt surfaced, “It’s…it’s over for good, no matter how much you and Ryo seems to like him. Why should I try for something that will never end happily?”

“You never thought that the marriage with Kazumi would make you happy” Uchi couldn’t help but point out softly.

“…but at least, going into it, I knew it wouldn’t end just like that” Jin said, a strained tone in his voice, “If it did end, I wouldn’t have been hurt too much”

Uchi was silent, but a poke from Kusano made him look up.

“Well, actually, I’m not here to talk to you about Kazuya”

Jin’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, “You’re not?”

“No. Actually, it’s about Ryo”

Jin’s expression, that had been clearing in relief, darkened again.

“I don’t want to talk about him either”

Uchi and Kusano couldn’t help but blink. It seemed that when talking about Kazuya, he had a resigned, sad, and very hurt and pained tone compared to how he had been before. There was still a hint of anger and betrayal in his voice, but they realized that after his talk with Kazuya, the anger had faded a little, replaced with simple pain and sadness. But with Ryo, he was obviously still very angry at his best friend.

“Jin…” Uchi started, taking a deep breath. The words were on his tongue; all he had to say was say them aloud like he had told himself he would. The pain, the memories, everything; he had to make Jin understand. But as he watched Jin’s expression darken, still obviously angry and hurt about his best friend betraying him, Uchi’s words failed him. He couldn’t do this – he had barely been able to talk to Ryo about what happened, and he had told Kazuya and Yamapi out of sheer necessity and knowing that he wouldn’t see that same pity he had seen many times in Jin’s eyes when they were children.

Kusano shifted restlessly, most likely wondering what Uchi was doing by not going along with the plan, and Uchi got an idea, “You’ve seen Notti around before right?” he asked, waving a hand in Kusano’s direction.

Kusano nodded in greeting to the prince, “Kusano Hironori” he introduced in a not friendly, but not exactly hostile, tone.

Jin stiffened as he looked at Kusano, “Kamenashi’s and Yamashita’s friend” he said curtly.

“He and I are the reason Ryo ‘turned’ on you” Uchi said as calmly as he could, “We’re the reason Ryo stopped hating Yamapi and Kazuya. You might see it as that we turned Ryo against you with that very intention”

For a moment, Jin saw red. What the hell was he saying? That he was the reason Jin had his best friend turned on him? That he had manipulated Jin’s most trusted friend to turn on him, to betray him?! That, right when he needed his friends to support him, Uchi had turned the one that knew him the best against him? That Uchi had made it seem like the whole world was out to hurt him, first Kamenashi through the revelation of his lies, and then Ryo, by helping the person who had hurt Jin; that, that hurt, doubled by Ryo’s betrayal, had all been Uchi’s fault? Anger – furious, raging anger – filled him.

Uchi winced when he felt a fist hit his jaw and he went stumbling backwards. He was so off-balance from the hit that he crashed painfully against the wall. Kusano let out a yelp and swore as he moved to Uchi’s side.

“Hey! What the hell!” Kusano raged at Jin, “Why the hell did you –”

“Shut up!” Jin snapped, “It’s your fault – your fault that –”

“That what?” Uchi continued, still holding his jaw; it really had hurt and he had a feeling it would bruise, “That he no longer sees commoners as his enemy? That he doesn’t agree with your resentment for Yamapi anymore?” he knew he was only getting Jin angrier but this was the only way. He couldn’t exactly sit down and talk calmly about his memories to Jin, he knew that now, “That he has his own opinion?! That” he winced for a blow he was sure would come, “He doesn’t hide his fears with denial and lashing out, like you are? That he’s actually brave enough to take risks and chances, unlike you? That he doesn’t use impossibilities and fear of being hurt to avoid going after what he truly wants?”

And sure enough, Jin’s fist met his face again. Uchi stumbled back from the hit, the wall making him wince when he hit it again. When Jin, not satisfied with hitting just once, drew his fist back again, incoherent rage in his eyes at how Uchi was pointing out everything he was denying, Uchi winced.

To his surprise, the blow didn’t come.

Uchi blinked, then stared at Kusano who had blocked the fist with his hand, and at Reio who had suddenly appeared in the room, and was pulling his enraged brother away.

“Don’t you touch him!” Kusano was shouting angrily.

At the same time, Reio was tugging on his brother’s arm, “Stop, Jin. You know Ryo will kill you. Why are you reacting so badly to a few little accusations?”

“He – he…” Jin glowered. He couldn’t very well admit out loud that Uchi had hit home – that he reacted so harshly because he knew the younger man was right, and he didn’t like it. He didn’t like that Uchi knew the truth and pinpointed his weaknesses so easily. He faltered, a confused sigh escaping his lips, “Tell Ryo if he wants to kill me, he knows where to find me” he muttered as he left the room, leaving the three younger men staring at his back.

“…what the hell were you thinking?” Reio shook his head.

“How –”

“I was listening” Reio shrugged without a hint of guilt, “I think I’ve guessed most of what’s going on. That’s not really the princess, Yamashita is really a commoner or something, you and Ryo have sided with them despite the fact that Jin is angry at them?”

Kusano stared, then he blinked, “So your royal family can have brains” he muttered to himself, cursing Jin’s name under his breath, and earning an amused look from Reio.

“Well, right now, I highly doubt that you have brains, saying all that” Reio said aloud to Uchi, “You usually have way more restraint than that; you know how easily he gets angry and how out of control he can get when that happens; you’ve seen him and Ryo argue” Reio rambled, “Like that time they were arguing about something stupid and gave each other enough cuts and bruises to make the doctor scream when we dragged them to the hospital wing”

Uchi sighed, “Because now he blames me for Ryo’s actions; you heard what he said when he left. He’s willing to talk to Ryo. That’s all I wanted…even if I got hurt more than I’d intended” he rubbed his jaw, “And…the plan for me to talk about…why Ryo stopped hated commoners, I couldn’t do it in the end…” he sighed, “So I came up with the idea; I transferred Jin’s anger at Ryo to me; Ryo’s the one we need him to talk to, so it doesn’t matter if he hates me right now”

“…that is surprisingly both stupid and logical” Reio muttered, “But is it really worth sending Ryo on a killing rampage?”

“I’m sure he won’t hurt Jin...” Uchi said, “Much” he added at Reio’s raised eyebrow. He paused, “I should go find Ryo, and…why aren’t you more surprised?” he asked suddenly, realizing that he was talking calmly about the situation to someone who had just found out about it. Even though Uchi had suspected the truth before he knew it, he had still been a little shocked.

“I am. I’m just hiding it really well, plus the fact that most of the shocking things were revealed at the start of your conversation; I had time to let it sink in. And when I get back to my room, where it’s safe to faint without giving myself a concussion, it’ll probably all sink in”

“…do you need someone to check up on your later, in case you do faint?” Kusano wondered aloud, blinking in surprise at the calm demeanour of Jin’s brother. He was the exact opposite of Jin!

“No, I think keeping Ryo from murdering the future king, because said future king took a few hits at you, Hiroki, is probably more important” Reio said with a nod, “But if I don’t show up for breakfast, it’s probably best to send a doctor in my direction”

Uchi and Kusano both blinked as Reio walked off toward his room.

“Let’s see how Ryo is coping with the captives then…” Kusano said, trying to lighten the mood, sensing that Uchi was a bit upset about his inability to follow through with the plan. He put a hand on the older man’s shoulder, “Hey, you know that people don’t expect you to be able to talk about what happened freely with just anyone, don’t you? It’s understandable”

Uchi nodded, but Kusano could tell that he wasn’t very convinced. He took Uchi’s hand tightly, giving it a comforting squeeze, “I don’t blame you for not being able to talk about it, and no one who matters will either” he said confidently.

He had those too after all – moments in which he didn’t think he would ever be able to share with just anyone.

* * *

----- part 2 -----

The Pauper Prince[ss] - Chapter 30 {2/3}

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 01:29:28 GMT

The Pauper Prince[ss] - Chapter 30 (part 2)

Pairing: Akame
Rating: pg-13
Summary: To end the war that has desecrated the lives of the people between two kingdoms, an alliance in the form of an arranged marriage has been made between the two royal families. however, when the princess runs away to avoid being married, the unwilling look-a-like pauper, Kamenashi Kazuya, somehow finds himself brought in to play the part of the princess and deceive Prince Jin. But Kazuya never expected to fall in love...

part 1 |

--- part 2 ---

As far as he could remember, the streets always smelled of smoke and burning, and people stared at him when he walked past. Some of those gazes were suspicious, as if wondering if he was going to attack them somehow, using the guise of a child, or some gazes were of pity as though they knew he wouldn’t survive for long on his own, because if those that had pity for him wouldn’t help him, what were the chances that anybody else would.

Hironori was running through the streets, holding a bundle in his arms, ignoring those looks that he hated. He needed to get out of there as fast as he could –

As he ran, something rolled out of the bundle he was holding and he cursed, watching as the no longer fresh apple rolled back in the direction he had come from. Eyes widening, he dashed back as quickly as he could and grabbed it before making off again. His dirty, and much too skinny, legs went as fast as they could, but the starving six year old was no match for the grown man chasing after him, fury in his eyes.

A hand grabbed his thin arm in a vice-like grip, causing him to yet out a panicked yelp as he dropped the bundle. Fruits – mostly old and dull, nearly gone bad, with one or two fresh ones – tumbled out as well as a box of cheap matches. He struggled to get out of the grip of the man, crying out apologies and pleas.

“You lying, filthy little thief!” the man snarled, and the six year old cried out in pain, “Stealing from my store, stealing food that you don’t deserve and – what’s this?” he sneered, glaring at the matches, “Planning on going into arson, burn down a few houses and steal their precious things while everyone’s panicking about a fire?” he accused, “Take a few lives to save yours?!”

“No, no” he pleaded, whimpering, “No, not to burn the houses” he let out a terrified shriek when the man yanked on his arm and twisted it behind his back. The pain –

“Warmth – I wanted warmth! I just wanted to be warm” tears prickled at his cheeks, and he wasn’t quite sure if it was from the admittance of his desperation, or simple pain.

“Warmth?” the man laughed and he kept trying to escape, “No good orphans like you don’t deserve warmth. You should have died with your family; we all do our part to survive in these times and what do you do? You go around stealing and living when it’s obvious that you weren’t meant to; you don’t do anything to help the war effort, you don’t do any work, you just mulch off us hard-working folk, like a parasite”

Hironori tried not to cry at those words. It wasn’t his fault his parents had died; it wasn’t his fault nobody wanted to take him in and feed another mouth; it wasn’t his fault he was so cold and so hungry…

“I’m going to do everyone here a favour” the man sneered, “And I’m going to put you out of your miserable existence. That’ll teach any other street rat not to steal from my store”

He struggled, eyes widening at those words. The man was starting to drag him away, muttering something about a rifle and he began to cry.

He was going to be killed.

“What the –” the sudden yelp made him look up, and through his tears, he saw with wide eyes that one of the vendors’ carts was racing down the small hill toward them, gaining speed and – and about to hit them!

The grip on his arm disappeared as the man held his arms up to brace himself.

As he did, another hand grabbed his and he found himself pulled out of the way. He heard a hiss of, “Are you an idiot? Run, before he realizes you’re escaping”

He was dragged around corners, through alleys, and then, finally came to a stop far away from where the infuriated man had been. He panted, looking up, and saw two boys.

“Be careful when you’re stealing from him” the taller one said, “He may have his store in that really lonely corner, but he’s fast. And that’s not the first time he’s tried to do something like that; I think he just likes the idea of getting rid of the residential thieves and being proclaimed some kind of hero or something”

“Not that that’s gonna happen” the other one said with a roll of his eyes, “People may hate us, but they don’t actually want to see a kid being murdered. An accident, they can say it’s natural; murder will put some of them blame on them – for all the things they’ve said to us that’s encouraged him. But that’ll change when we get older…well, he’ll be too old to run after us by then anyways. Hey, do you think Massu might have broken a few of that guy’s ribs with that cart he sent flying? He’d deserve it”

He couldn’t believe just how calm they were about this.

He had been so scared, and completely terrified at what was going to happen, and these two, they were so calm and acting like it was just a simple little game and –

He burst into tears.

“Oh, hey, don’t cry; the scary guy is gone, if you don’t go near his store, he won’t come after you again”

“We should really take our own advice”

“Oh shut it Pi, you’re not helping” he looked up when he saw a hand stretched out in front of him. He blinked when he saw the box of matches he had stolen earlier. The boy had opened it and had shaking a few sets of matches out, “Look, we kinda need those matches; it’s getting cold around here and there aren’t enough blankets to go around at night. And you obviously need a place to stay, at least for a little while, and something to eat, if the stuff you stole and the shouting was anything to go by. In exchange for these matches, we’ll let you stay with us”

Hironori stiffened and snatched the matches away from the outstretched hand, earning a hiss of surprise.

“Kazuya!”

“It’s fine, Pi” the one called Kazuya looked at him intently. He looked back with wary and highly distrusting eyes. He had been on his own for as long as he could remember and never had anyone offered any help. He didn’t need them; he was surviving fine enough on his own, he –

He felt that familiar feeling of weakness wash over him, from not eating, from not sleeping due to cold, from starting to think that it was better to just give up.

“Look, Kazu-chan, if he doesn’t want to, we can’t convince him. We’ll get more matches some other way; Massu probably stole a bunch of food from that guy’s shop after he let that cart go; maybe he found some matches that this kid didn’t pick up. And if not, you and I can share a blanket again, it’s not that cold yet. We still have time”

Kazuya sighed and stood up, “Alright. If you say so Pi” he began to walk away, a shiver going through his body. Hironori watched, clutching the sets of matches to him, as they walked away and the one called Pi wrapped an arm around Kazuya, and Kazuya’s arms went around Pi, obviously giving each other warmth.

They were just as cold, just as desperate as he was, he realized. And for some reason, they wanted to help him instead of just overpowering him and taking the matches away. They could do that if they wanted, but they hadn’t. Hironori whimpered just a little; he shouldn’t trust them, but the prospect of food and a shelter, that was something other than a bunch of debris and boxes piled up to keep the biting wind away from him during sleep, made him yearn to go with them, even just for a little while.

Just a little luxury, even if it was never going to last. Just one day, one moment of not starving, of not being cold.

His feet moved themselves and ran forward. He ran into the back of Pi, who turned in surprise as he felt a smaller hand press a bunch of matches into his hands and then Hironori kept his face buried into Pi’s back.

“…I guess that’s a yes” Pi blinked, clutching the matches in his hands in a way much like Hironori had been doing. In this world, where there was no one to help them, and no one to look out for them, they had to do it for themselves. They had to find their own way of keeping warm, do things they didn’t like, and if they had to bargain a small share of food away to a strange boy in exchange for warmth when winter came, then so be it.

It was all about surviving, no matter what they had to do, who they had to steal from, and how much it hurt to do things they themselves didn’t like.

They had to take all the little pieces they could get their hands on; matches, fruit that was almost too bad to eat, rags that were just barely long enough to become blankets; this was all those with no one to protect them could do.

* * *

“I’m going to kill him!” Ryo’s enraged shout tore through the air.

There was a long moment of silence, which Yamapi broke with a, “Finally. Support.”

The comment drew Ryo to a stop for a moment, and made Uchi look at him in amusement as he sat there, holding a package of ice to his jaw. It wasn’t as though it had hurt that much after the initial few minutes, but Kusano had insisted on making sure it didn’t bruise horribly – something that Ryo had wholly supported, so although Kusano had left the room to untie Koki and Maru, because he had forgotten to untie them earlier and had left them tied up in a dark room, Kusano’s wishes weren’t ignored the moment he had left – and thus, Uchi was stuck, quietly obeying in case not obeying got Ryo even angrier.

“I’m going to beat him until he begs for mercy, lock him in a room full of angry cats or something, or rabid dogs, I’m going to fucking murder him!”

“…interesting methods…” Yamapi commented again. As he got another strange look from the others in the room, he shrugged, “What? I’ve been saying things along those lines pretty much ever since I met him.”

As Ryo continued to rage about methods on how to murder the prince, Uchi let out a sigh. He opened his mouth to say something to try to dissuade Ryo’s anger, but was only cut off by Ryo’s ranting.

After another round of murder threats and creative methods of torturing the prince from Ryo, Yamapi made yet another comment, “You know, if you weren’t clinging to and hanging off me all the time, I might even call you a kindred spirit at this point.”

Ryo faltered again, staring and blinking at Yamapi.

The younger man sent him a serene smile, “Oh, don’t mind me. Continue; it was just getting interesting.”

At those words, he got another incredulous look from Uchi.

Ryo glared, and then pointed accusingly at Yamapi, “I know what you’re doing!”

“Oh?” Yamapi asked with an innocent look.

“You’re trying to distract me so that I won’t get any angrier!” Ryo accused.

“Is it working?”

The sullen look on Ryo’s face was enough of an answer.

“Oh. Pity. I was hoping it wouldn’t actually work and I’d have a partner-in-crime,” Yamapi said with a slightly disappointed look but then he grinned, “Well, not that I have anything against your plans to murder the prince, but your best friend has been trying to get your attention for the past twenty minutes. You and I can continue those plans after he’s done talking to you”

Ryo turned to look guiltily at Uchi, who merely gave him an understanding look. Yamapi opened the door that connected his room and Kazuya, “If you need me, I’ll be with Kazuya” he added, although he had a feeling that it wouldn’t be necessary.

The younger man was just waking up when Yamapi closed the door behind him.

“Pi?” Kazuya murmured sleepily, rubbing his eyes. As he still had that light concussion that the doctor had mentioned, he had decided to stay in bed instead of ‘inconveniencing everyone by having to have someone with him if he wanted to take a walk’. Of course, everyone had protested loudly that it would be no inconvenience, but Kazuya was stubborn. Yamapi thought that Kazuya just wanted to hide out until his eyes were no longer red from crying so much the day before.

“Go back to sleep, Kazu-chan. I’m just going to sit here and watch you obsessively to make sure you aren’t crying in your sleep”

That sparked soft laughter from the younger man, but Yamapi winced; he could still hear the pain evident in Kazuya’s voice, “What’s going on over there?” Kazuya sat up, looking in the direction of the door leading to Yamapi’s room, “I heard yelling”

“Oh, Nishikido just wants to fulfill my hopes and dreams” Yamapi said idly.

Kazuya’s eyebrows shot up, “What?”

“Oh, nothing to be concerned about”

“When you smile like that, it’s usually something I should be concerned about…”

Yamapi adopted a hurt look, “What, you don’t trust me?”

“That’s the same smile you had on your face when you plotted to give” he paused and swallowed with difficulty for a brief second, “The prince…a rash somehow with that weird concoction you were determined to make after the first ball…”

“Coincidence~” Yamapi chirped, pretending that he hadn’t noticed the difficulty with which Kazuya had mentioned the prince.

“And when we were younger and you decided that Massu should start learning how to create proper distractions and you helped him send a cart flying at the guy who had chased you out of the store earlier that week…”

“Massu did it”

Kazuya raised his eyebrow.

Yamapi shifted nervously, “I’ve been sworn to secrecy upon pain of having Nishikido find a way to sneak into my room in the middle of the night and do that thing with hanging off me, in my sleep, that he does all the time during the day”

At Kazuya’s incredulous look, Yamapi exclaimed, “Night-time is the only time I’m safe from him, Kazu-chan! Don’t make me tell! He likes to torture me!”

“By…hanging off of you…”

Yamapi huffed, “It’s annoying, okay?”

“Have you ever given thought…to why he’s doing it?”

“Because he finds it amusing, and he’s a twisted, twisted human being”

“Ah…I see…” Kazuya muttered, “And here I thought you had been missing it during that time when he refused to talk to us”

“What?!” Yamapi yelped, “I was not!”

“Oh. Then the time when you confronted him because you thought he was a huge jackass for starting to ignore you wasn’t out of missing him?”

Yamapi spluttered. How could Kazuya get it so wrong?!

“No!” he yelped, “It was – it was the principle of the matter!” his eyes widened, “He’s poisoned your mind, hasn’t he?! He’s trying to turn you against me so you can work with him against me so I’ll give in and call him –” he clamped a hand over his mouth to keep himself from saying any more.

“Ryo?” Kazuya supplied helpfully.

“Yes. That.” Yamapi’s eyes were wide, “Did he poison you against me?!” he was suddenly on Kazuya’s bed and crawling closer to Kazuya, disbelief in his eyes, “No, Kazu-chan. Resist the evil… clinginess!”

“I’m not –”

“Don’t give up, Kazu-chan; you can fight it!” Yamapi was shaking Kazuya’s shoulders lightly now, “Look in my eyes! As the only one not succumbed to his…evil clinginess, I have the power to free you!”

“…I think you’ve finally lost it” Kazuya muttered, as he put his hands on Yamapi’s, looking up at Yamapi’s, “Look, Pi, I am not poisoned. I just think there’s a reason he likes hanging off you so much; I mean, have you ever thought that he considers you a friend and that because of all this going on, and the fact that we’re leaving soon, that he does this as a way to show that he’s going to miss you?”

The older man stopped his ranting, “What?”

“Well, obviously, while…” Kazuya tried to hide the strain in his voice but he couldn’t really, “Jin and I were off together, you and he were left alone, and despite your insistence that he’s annoying, the fact that you haven’t punched him for hanging off you, meaning you, at the least, tolerate him. Basically, you’re friends with him, whether you admit it or not. I think he’s going to miss you” he said bluntly, “And this is his way of showing it”

“But –” Yamapi spluttered, “He was doing this before all this happened” he insisted, “Your theory doesn’t make sense! He can’t have been missing me when I wasn’t even going to leave back then!”

“But that’s just it. He was doing it before he knew you were going to leave, so his way of showing you is doing more and more of what he used to do to you before it turned out you were going to leave. Kind of like – take Notti for an example. He likes to tease you a lot, something about a teddy bear – I don’t even want to know what half the teasing that goes on between you two is about. Anyways. If you were to leave to go somewhere and neither of you knew if you’d see each other again, he’d do it a lot more, because it’s the way he shows that he likes and cares about you. It’s the same way here”

He got a disbelieving look, “I think you’ve spent too much time cooped up alone. That’s it; we’re going for a walk. Get dressed” he shot off the bed and began going through the younger man’s closet, “And look on the bright side of going back home, you can finally wear something besides these traditional clothes all the time – seriously, aren’t you sick of the yukata and kimonos yet?”

“I have not been cooped up too much!” Kazuya said as he snatched the clothes from Yamapi’s hands, “And I’d rather stay away from anything poofy and fluffy thank you very much, even if it means wearing these every time I go out. Besides, it’s all Kazumi’s things, so obviously she had to wear these more than regular clothes anyways, since there are more of these then there are jeans and stuff. Must be a royal thing”

“You obviously need some fresh air so that you can think straight” Yamapi argued, “And you make a good point” he conceded the second part of their argument as Kazuya stood up from the bed to get changed.

“I know I make a good point. And I do not! My reasoning is perfectly fine” Kazuya crossed his arms, And Hiroki was right. You two are dense.

He got a pat on the head, “You just keep thinking that…”

Kazuya scowled, “Fine. Don’t believe me. I reserve the right to laugh a few times in your face the moment you come running to me because I was right”

Yamapi grinned, “Won’t happen”

“We’ll see” Kazuya promised before muttering under his breath about stubborn best friends in denial.

“What was that?”

“Oh nothing” Kazuya smirked.

Yamapi paused, “You really do need fresh air! If only to free you from the poison that is Nishikido’s attempts to get to me!”

“What?”

“You did that…that thing he always does!”

“…I smirked…it’s not exactly a trademark evil villain move”

“It’s a sign of evil, Kazu-chan!”

“You have definitely lost it” Kazuya shook his head, “Let’s just go. If only to get you the fresh air”

At Yamapi’s disgruntled and insulted look, Kazuya turned back and shot a smile at his best friend, “Thanks”

“What for?” Yamapi asked innocently.

“Trying to distract me”

“Damn – you knew?”

Kazuya gave him a look.

Yamapi chuckled sheepishly, “Right. You always know when it comes to me. Did it at least work a little?”

“Plus, the fact that you’re usually not that insane – and yes, it did” Kazuya said with a small smile as he walked off, leaving Yamapi to follow.

“Yeah – hey! Are you saying I’m partially insane? Kazuya, I am not” he whined as he followed Kazuya down the hall, “Really. I’m not!”

However, he couldn’t help the huge smile that appeared on his face as he did; things hadn’t changed that much if he could still distract Kazuya from the things that hurt and make him smile, even a little.

Ryo was pulling at the loose threads on his sleeve, avoiding Uchi’s look. The younger man sighed, and took the bag of ice away from his cheek, only to bring it back up obediently again when Ryo’s head snapped up with a warning look.

“Ryo-chan, my face is going to go numb at this point”

“Keep it there” Ryo said with a grumble in his voice, “If it bruises, I make no promises on Jin’s safety”

Uchi sighed, “Ryo, it’s really not his fault – I’m the one who provoked him”

“He hit you” Ryo shot back, eyes flashing at the mere mention of that. Uchi winced just a little. Of course, Ryo had always been more than just a bit overprotective; the fact that Jin had actually tried to harm Uchi would make Ryo near impossible to calm down. And what was worse –

“Twice” Ryo added as if he had just been reading Uchi’s mind.

“And I thought mind reading was Kazuya’s and Yamapi’s forte” Uchi tried to lighten Ryo’s mood with a small joke, but it obviously failed because Ryo simply glared mutinously at him – or more specifically at Uchi’s hand, which was clutching the back of his shirt. Uchi tried not to smile when he remember how Ryo had tried to leave to kill Jin regardless of what Uchi said at first, but found that Uchi had grabbed onto his shirt. Ryo had tripped and then fallen onto the ground, dragging Uchi off the chair and on top of him, making the older man completely unable to get up and continue storming out of the room.

“Let me go. I want to kill him” Ryo added.

“No, I’m not letting you go kill Jin”

“He deserves it!”

“It was my fault in the first place – I provoked him because I couldn’t talk to him about the kidnapping. It’s my fault for being weak. Are you going to kill me too? It’s because I was too weak to do my part of the plan properly that you’re this angry; are you going to take it out on me?”

Ryo looked shocked and appalled.

“You – Hiroki!” the look on Ryo’s face made him wince more than the shout, “I would never take any of my anger out on you! It’s not your fault Jin can’t control his stupid temper and his fists! And you are not weak! Did Jin say that? I’ll kill –”

“No, he didn’t say that” Uchi cut Ryo off, looking down at the floor, “But…it’s true, isn’t it? I kept telling you ‘Ryo-chan, you worry too much. I’m going to be fine’ when we were planning all that. I had gotten so confident that after talking about it with you, and with Kazuya and Yamapi, I wouldn’t be so affected by the memories from now on, but in the end, I couldn’t do it. I failed in my part. You were right but I just brushed off your concerns because I thought you were being overprotective. If I’d listened, you wouldn’t be so angry and maybe you’d be talking to Jin civilly by now and stopping him from doing stupid things”

Ryo’s expression had turned grave, not in the way it had been when he had been furious upon hearing what had happened, but in a way that told Uchi that he was in for a serious discussion.

“First, nobody expected you to be able to get over what happened so quickly. Well, quickly considering you only just started to talk about it after bottling it up for years” Ryo added when he saw Uchi open his mouth, “That does not mean you’re weak or something. Look, I wouldn’t talk about it with Jin if I absolutely didn’t have to – and he was there, keeping me company a few times while everyone was searching for you”

He knew what was bugging Uchi so much, and he knew he had to make Uchi know that he was expecting too much of himself, “You’re upset because you thought it’d finally go away – being scared of talking about it” he declared, making Uchi’s head snap up, “But Hiroki, these things don’t happen just like that. If it did, it wouldn’t have taken us so long to talk about it. You are not weak for not being able to talk about it”

“But you’re able to, aren’t you?” Uchi said almost accusingly, “Why can’t I? You said you talked about it a bit with Yamapi when we sent you two out to have your talk. Why can’t I do that?”

“Well…” Ryo was silent for a moment, “I guess it’s because when I talked to Tomohisa, it seemed like he understood – the fear of going through something like that, it seemed like he kind of understood in his own way” Ryo shrugged, “But maybe that’s why. You’ve only talked about it with me, who was there, and Kazuya and Tomohisa. Maybe it’s morbid but maybe right now, it’s just easier to talk about it to people who seems like they had been through something similar or worse. It’s like…sympathy and understanding, instead of just pity like we always get”

He took a deep breath, realizing that he had been rambling just a little, “But more importantly. Just because you can’t talk about it to Jin, doesn’t mean you’re a failure or you’re weak or whatever”

Uchi stared at Ryo, and then he smiled a watery smile, “When did you get to be the profound and logical one?”

Ryo scoffed, “Maybe when my best friend decided to start blaming himself for stupid stuff like things not going to plan?”

“That could be it”

“And you’ve totally taken away my desire to kill Jin!” Ryo scowled, “I’m quoting Tomohisa. Give it back”

Uchi quirked a grin, “I don’t even want to know what that had been about, but I think I can guess he didn’t get it back since Jin is still alive?”

“It’s sad, but true…” Ryo returned the grin, “Alright, I promise not to kill Jin. You can let go of me now. I’ll go talk somewhat civilly to him, alright?”

Uchi stared, “Why the sudden change of heart?”

“Don’t think I don’t realize why you’re so adamant we make Jin understand what he’s doing” Ryo rolled his eyes, “You still believe what that kidnapper told us in my back garden all those years ago. That it’s our – us nobles’ – fault that there is war and everyone’s dying”

He got a shocked look in return that confirmed his suspicions.

“How…?”

“Do you even have to ask that?” Ryo asked and in that moment when Ryo looked at him, Uchi could see something familiar reflected in Ryo’s eyes, “It’s my responsibility to know, since it’s you. Just like it’s my responsibility to prove that guy wrong. I won’t be blamed this time, because this time, I can do something about it”

As he walked toward the door, head held high and back turned to the younger man, Uchi ran forward and grabbed his arm, turning him back around. The look of resignation and sadness, mixed with determination in Ryo’s tearing eyes that he had tried to hide, was enough to make Uchi forget about how Ryo would probably get embarrassed and yell at him later. He hugged Ryo tightly, ignoring Ryo’s spluttered protests and the way Ryo wasn’t fighting as hard as he could to get out of the hug. Finally, Ryo just relaxed.

“Hiroki…I get it…”

Ryo wouldn’t let Uchi blame himself, and Uchi wouldn’t let Ryo blame himself either.

Change was inevitable – scary and unavoidable – but one thing that would never change was their ability to understand and comfort each other when no one else could possibly know how to.

* * *

----- part 3 -----